


Golden Slumbers

by hinata22



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Naruto uncomfortably attracted to his friend, Suicidal Sasuke
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-06
Updated: 2019-10-26
Packaged: 2020-01-05 21:28:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 22,766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18374414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hinata22/pseuds/hinata22
Summary: Sasuke reached out as if he was going to take the controller from the blonde, but instead his hand hung in mid-air before floating down to rest on Naruto’s thigh.‘I’m not one of your fangirls, you know by now those tricks won’t get past me.’‘Hnnnn.’In a dystopian world, Sasuke has lost the will to fight on, however, Naruto is determined to keep his best friend alive anyway he can. But one tired night on suicide watch, Naruto is forced to face the truth of his full attraction to Sasuke.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Sasuke is suicidal and being protected by his desire to self-harm by the intervention of his friends, specifically Naruto. This chapter is written from Naruto's perspective so does not fully explore the darkness of Sasuke's feelings, but it is at the centre of the story, so please avoid if it will trigger you in anyway.

Naruto mashed the buttons of his controller and managed a chuckle when he emerged victorious from the fight again, but his laughter quickly turned into a yawn. And another yawn, his eyes scrunched shut, his mouth wide. He was on suicide watch for Sasuke for the seventh night in a row.

When the Uchiha was determined Naruto was the only one that had a chance to physically stop Sasuke from leaving the safety of their home. There had been lots of group meetings over Naruto taking all the night shifts, with lots of lectures about how it was impractical and unsustainable, and lots of other big words meaning negative things. Then last week, when Naruto had been taking his scheduled nap, Sasuke had effortlessly taken down Sakura leaving her unconscious for over a day, and all the five other males in the house had struggled to restrain him and keep him from running away. Now no one really argued with Naruto being left on guard.

Well, apart from one person.

‘You need to sleep, dobe.’ The voice came from the shadows of the stairwell.

Naruto’s eyes were very well adjusted to the flickering light given by the one candle he allowed himself, and more than that he was so familiar with the speaker that he could pick up the toned lines of his body immediately.

‘Not happening, bastard.’ Naruto grinned. ‘But the importance of _you_ getting sleep is another matter, do I have to carry you back upstairs like yesterday or you going to play like a good boy and go back to bed on your own?’

‘Neither.’ Sasuke stepped forward and sat down next to Naruto.

The cushions on the old sofa sagged and dipped making Sasuke’s body slide close to Naruto’s. When Naruto breathed now, it wasn’t the scent of mould and damp that filled his senses, but the sharp tang of Sasuke’s skin and hair. Somehow whereas everyone else smelt like what they were, sweating animal bodies enclosed in the same clothes day in day out, Sasuke still carried an aroma of exciting masculinity.

‘What are you pretending to be a champion at tonight?’ Sasuke reached out as if he was going to take the controller from the blonde, but instead his hand hung in mid-air before floating down to rest on Naruto’s thigh.

‘I’m not one of your fangirls, you know by now those tricks won’t get past me.’

‘Hnnnn.’

He should pick Sasuke’s hand up and drop it back in the Uchiha’s lap. Like he’d had to do many times before. But instead he found himself just staring down at the long elegant fingers and thinking how the white of Sasuke’s skin looked even more flawless in the flickering of the candlelight. Naruto bit his lip, he was obviously more tired tonight than he realised to let his mind rest on such unhelpful thoughts.

When they’d had the group discussion and finally decided to care for Sasuke – or rather when Naruto had harangued and talked at everyone until they were so worn down they agreed to help the Uchiha - both Sakura and Ino, with their diverse medical knowledge, had emphasised how Sasuke couldn’t be trusted and how he’d use all the tools at his disposal to get past them. Thinking of that conversation, Naruto blushed now at how naïve he’d been, believing they were talking about Sasuke’s advanced combat skills, he hadn’t even considered Sasuke would use his sexuality as a weapon to catch people off guard.

And even if he had caught the tone of that conversation, he would never have realised that he himself would be in danger of falling for Sasuke’s charms.

But yet here he was. His body waking up to the presence of his oldest friend even though his mind was so tired there were occasions he barely recalled his own name.

‘Seriously, what game are you playing?’ Sasuke gazed at the cracked blank television screen that hung at an angle on the wall and the cardboard box Naruto had spent an inordinately long time trying to arts-and-crafts into resembling a console after he’d unburied the treasure of an actual still in its box, never been used, controller on one of their more successful scavenges.

‘Not a real one,’ Naruto muttered.

‘Obviously.’

‘No, I mean, it’s not like I’m remembering the ones we used to play together. Mainly because I can’t. I tried at first, and I get the feeling of the fun we had and laughing, and yaknow, maybe me getting a bit grumpy when you got better scores than me, but I can’t remember any of those games we spent hours and hours completing. Weird isn’t it? Yaknow, I used to think about them so much that I dreamed about them, and now it’s all gone.’ Naruto looked at Sasuke out of the corner of his eyes, there was no change in the other man’s expression. He gave a slight cough, and in a louder breezier voice said, ‘But, anyway, yeah, I’m playing a fighting story thing I imagine in my head. I kinda make up the plot as I go along.’

Sasuke raised an eyebrow. ‘So you’re playing a pretend game on a broken television and a non-existence games-system? At least, that way I suppose you always win and earn all the trophies.’

‘Nah.’ Naruto self-consciously put the controller to the side and rubbed the back of his head. ‘I’ve got to fail sometimes and repeat levels otherwise it’d be too easy and wouldn’t feel right.’

Sasuke smirked. ‘And here was I thinking I was safe as the designated madperson in the house, but you’re even competing with me to try and win that title. You can never let me rest easy as the top in anything, can you?’

‘You’re not mad,’ Naruto said quietly aware that his eyes were still too focused on where Sasuke’s hand remained on his leg.

‘No. I’m not. I am in fact the only sane one. But living amongst you freaks, where _normal_ is to struggle and fight because our tiny lives are so _precious_ , or whatever reason you give yourself to continue with this pain, the wisdom of exiting all this agony is labelled _mad._ Such is humanity, as it ever was, as it ever will be. Until we’re all wiped out. Which probably won’t be too long a wait now.’ His voice had a warm amused tone that Naruto hadn’t heard from his friend in a long time. It’d be nice to hear, if Sasuke had been talking about something other than the end of the human race.

Naruto swallowed. There were so many words he wanted to say. Listening and speaking and understanding other people was something he’d always considered his strength. When nightmares screamed him awake, he calmed himself by thinking that all the isolation and loneliness of his childhood had been worth it because it’d given him empathy and allowed him to help so many other people. Loss is what had connected him and Sasuke as friends in the first place. But despite all his successes, Sakura and Ino had told him that it was different with Sasuke, that Naruto was too close, that Sasuke was too smart, and a thousand other reasons that meant if Naruto bulldozed in as he usually did and just said whatever was on his mind, he’d do all harm and no good. A condition of Sasuke being allowed to stay was that Naruto promised to follow their instructions on how to deal with him.

And their current instruction was that Sasuke needed to be distracted at all times and not allowed to wallow in his darkness.

There was a voice in Naruto’s head, that had more energy than the rest of his fatigued body. It was always growling away, but being tired made it harder to ignore.

_Slap him. Punch him. Kick him. See if that ‘distracts’ him enough for Sakara and Ino. Tell him that he’s an arrogant, stubborn, bastard who thinks he’s better than everyone else. Tell him how selfish he’s being. Never thinking of anyone else and the trouble and pain he’s causing them. Knock his teeth out. Break his nose. Make his body bruise and swell. Yeah, and while you’re at it, make him so ugly that you stop thinking about how pretty his lips would look wrapped around your cock._

Naruto took a sharp intake of breath and glanced into Sasuke’s eyes with a sudden fear that Sasuke knew exactly what he was thinking. So many times Sasuke seemed to be able to read his mind. And although he didn’t care about Sasuke guessing that Naruto wanted to physically fight and hurt him, he wasn’t ready at all to face Sasuke’s dark eyes looking at him with the realisation that Naruto had somehow turned out to be like everyone else in wanting to get into Sasuke’s pants.

‘Don’t think, dobe, it doesn’t suit you.’ Sasuke tried to smooth one of Naruto’s locks back but it bounced straight back again and Sasuke gave the nearest thing to a real smile as he ever did. ‘So is there an option for a two player mode on your game?’

‘You trying to earn more crazy points to keep ahead of me?’ Naruto grinned, _and_ it was from genuine relief that Sasuke hadn’t read his mind and called him out as a pervert. But he couldn’t deny part of him was disappointed. Not being open with Sasuke about his sexual attraction felt like dishonesty, and obeying the girls’ directives and avoiding talking about why Sasuke felt like he did felt more like cowardice than healthy healing.

‘Let’s just say it’ll be distracting to venture into your world for a while.’

Naruto’s face flushed, he constantly worried that Sasuke overheard the many hushed conversations they had about him. Sometimes the Uchiha might sit there in a stupor, unresponsive and completely detached from everything, but even in the old days Sasuke had been quiet, appearing entirely disinterested in the world yet still absorbing much more than the louder more visibly involved people did.

For now though, he decided to take the use of ‘distracting’ as coincidence rather than an indication that Sasuke was prodding him over Sakura and Ino’s strict prescription on suitable conversation.

With great theatricality, Naruto held out an invisible controller to the man beside him. ‘As I am so honoured to have the company and patronage of the great Uchiha, I’ll give you my best controller, limited edition, only a dozen ever produced…’

‘Because they are neon orange and as soon as the first protocol batch was made everyone realised what a disgusting colour they were and that anyone who ever played with them would be blinded for life. All the people involved with greenlighting it were fired and the CEO committed hara-kiri in sheer shame that his company were responsible for putting such a repulsive item in the world.’

Naruto wanted to say, _Sasuke you are_ _my dearest and most beloved friend, even when you joke with me does it have to involve suicide? Please please tell me what you need from me, how I can help you?_

Instead he stuck his tongue out and kept his voice light. ‘Wrong! It is a special dark blue and red colour, exactly like a certain family’s crest in fact. And I battled through crowds of desperate shoppers in stores spanning the whole globe before I finally secured one and bought it especially for you. I’ve never even used it, I’ve been saving it and waiting for the moment when you finally come to your senses and realise the best and only fun way to spend your time is to play with me.’

He blushed bright red as his brain registered the possible more sexual interpretation of asking Sasuke to ‘play with me’, but it was obviously only his own guilty interpretation, as there wasn’t a flicker of anything but amusement in Sasuke’s dark eyes.

‘I can believe that, because it is just the sort of stupid thing you’d do.’ He gave a bow of his head and a flourish of his hand. ‘You are indeed most generous, Uzumaki sama, I accept your gift and will be equally honoured to spend the night lost in your fantasy.’

Naruto almost snapped at the sarcastic ‘sama’, but it was probably better than the sarcastic ‘chan’ that Sasuke had used through a lot of their childhood. And Sasuke pronounced it so beautifully it’d sound respectful to anyone who didn’t know Sasuke and his relationship with Naruto.

Plus there was the fact that he wasn’t supposed to be snapping at Sasuke, however tired he might be and however infuriating Sasuke was being.

‘Hnnnn.’ Sasuke raised his eyebrows and Naruto had the distinct feeling he’d been tested but had no idea whether he’d failed or not.

Then Sasuke used both his hands to take the invisible controller with so much care that Naruto had to blink several times to stop his eyes seeing something that wasn’t there. He also had to stretch his body out in a way that he hoped looked natural for a guy who had been on watch for far too long, rather than an over the top attempt to cover the shiver that went through his body when Sasuke stopped touching him. He hadn’t been aware of Sasuke’s hand being particularly hot, but as soon as he moved it, Naruto’s whole body suddenly felt cold.

It was all so wrong. Everything was all so wrong and Naruto’s head hurt and his chest ached and he had no idea how to make things right. Or even what right was anymore.

Sasuke being his friend. That was the thing that had always been right.

‘Are you going to tell me what to do?’ Sasuke said.

 _Live_ , Naruto’s soul cried out, _Choose to live_.

With a grin he explained in precise detail the whole game he’d created. Sasuke asked sensible sounding questions about controls and game mechanics as if it was real, and Naruto replied in the same tone as if they’d travelled in time and it was years ago before things went wrong and they were young teens sitting down together to test the latest must-have game.

It felt so similar. He wanted to howl out in grief about how much had been lost since that time when they were innocent kids who thought they knew everything.  But he couldn’t be the sad one. He had to do what he was supposed to do so well: grin and be loud and stupid and joke and distract. And the only way to do that at the moment was to immerse himself completely in the pretence, to believe that he was sitting down and playing a game with his best friend just as he’d done so many times before and would do so many times again.

He responded to Sasuke’s taunts about how the Uchiha, after only a few minutes, was already a superior player to Naruto, with growls and grunts and over the top boasts. He whined and pleaded and shouted at Sasuke until Sasuke agreed to do all the side quests and not just run straight through to the big boss. Though he had no power to prevent Sasuke from clicking through all the dialogue.

‘It’s the characters that make the game special, teme! You realise how much thought went into creating all this, least you could do is be respectful and soak in all the detail!’

‘I am.’ Sasuke smirked. ‘You just need to learn to read faster, dobe, to keep up with me.’

Sasuke kept his gaze focused on the screen, Naruto’s glanced between the screen and his friend, carefully choosing the right moment to theatrically sneeze, nudging Sasuke in the process to try and stop him getting the top score. It made no difference. Sasuke always had incredible concentration, was always naturally better than him.

Only when Sasuke carefully handed his controller back to Naruto did the full reality, or rather unreality, of the situation pound back into Naruto’s head.

‘Shall we save something for tomorrow?’ Sasuke said. ‘I don’t want to completely humiliate you by finishing your game in one night.’

Naruto’s heart lifted for a moment, at Sasuke so casually saying ‘tomorrow’. It was rare for him to recognise there being any future even an hour ahead. But his heart pulsated. What would he report to Sakura and Ino? They always wanted him to report eveyrthing to them. Trying to explain to them that Sasuke had been happy playing imaginary video  games with him would be impossible. They would ask too many questions, and transform the time him and Sasuke had just had into something bad and no doubt irresponsible on Naruto’s part.

‘Yeah. Tomorrow,’ Naruto said, his body suddenly slumped with all the fatigue of trying to survive on barely any sleep.

‘If you look so pathetic, I’ll have to let you win tomorrow and that will be embarrassing for both of us.’ Sasuke lightly touched the centre of Naruto’s forehead.

Another ‘tomorrow’. Naruto smiled. ‘Hey, don’t be making excuses already to cover your butt for the spanking I’m going to give you next time we play, rookie.’

Sasuke stared at him for a long moment, his eyes far too serious for Naruto’s jesting tone.

‘As you were very patient with me clicking through all your precious character-building dialogue…’

‘Was I?’ Naruto raised his eyebrows generally surprised and unsure what Sasuke was going to say next.

Sasuke laughed, a light rare sound. ‘I remember when you almost electrocuted yourself trying to trip all the electricity in the house because you got so angry that I wasn’t playing some game the way you wanted.’

Naruto laughed too. ‘Oh hell, yeah I did, didn’t I? I can’t even remember what game it was, but I remember how angry I got at you always doing what _you_ wanted and ignoring me. But I mean, why didn’t I just unplug the console, what kind of kid was I that I went straight for turning _all_ the electricity off?’

‘It has nothing to do with you being a kid, you are exactly the same now, you have no idea of how to do things on a small scale.’ Sasuke continued the warm sound of his laughter. ‘Neither of us ever learned how to play well with others. You just learned to cover it and…’

‘You’re so damn cool no one ever cares you’re such an arrogant anti-social prick.’

Sasuke’s laughter abruptly stopped.

Naruto bit his lip. Sakura and Ino had given him so many lectures about raising Sasuke’s self-esteem and here he was doing what they’d warned him not to, saying whatever came into his head and insulting the person he was supposed to be caring for. His mind fretted over all the similar things he’d probably said without noticing while they were playing.

In his normal nonchalant voice, Sasuke said, ‘As I was saying before you interrupted. You’ve been patient with me, so as I clicked through your game, I’ll return the favour and let you fast forward through the part where I try to rush past you, then we tussle, and even though you’re tired and weaker than normal, you have that surge of energy you always have when you need it and manage to overpower me. Then we can reconvene at the part where you carry me upstairs and deposit me back in my bedroom.’

Naruto blinked several times, trying to focus on Sasuke’s words and not his friend’s lips. Why the hell did Sasuke have to have such perfect red lips? And more to the point why was Naruto continually noticing them nowadays when before when it’d mattered so much less, Sasuke had just been Sasuke, his best pal, not anyone he ever _ever_ lusted over?

When Naruto did speak, he spoke almost in a whisper. ‘I overpower you because you’re not eating. You’ve always been a better fighter, with superior technique, if you ate then I couldn’t stop you.’

‘So following that logic, you are glad that I’m not wasting the group’s precious resources on maintaining this body as it allows you to keep me a prisoner here?’

‘You’re such a bastard you know that’s not…’ Naruto’s voice went from loud anger to feeble nothing within a few words.

He couldn’t lose his temper. He _couldn’t_. Not now. Not ever. Sasuke was vulnerable. He needed a good, patient kind friend. Not the Naruto from the past that punched and kicked and shouted until he was so physically exhausted, he collapsed into Sasuke’s arms and talked and talked and talked while Sasuke silently listened and held him.

What would Sasuke do now if Naruto hit out like he had so often through their teen years? But they were adults now, they weren’t supposed to solve their problems with their fists.

He swallowed back a wistful sigh. How strange to be nostalgic for the days when him and Sasuke fought like cat and dog with no holds barred, free to let out all their fury and frustration on each other because they understood each other’s rage. Because when it was the two of them together, they never had to pretend they were okay with all the crap that had happened to them. Because they both realised so quickly that the bond between them was strong enough to withstand anything.

‘Dobe. Anyone else would be eternally grateful for the chance to take me to bed, but you’re standing there dumb. Would you prefer for me to go and wake Sakura up?’

‘Don’t. Just don’t.’ Naruto’s voice was more snarl than firm control.

‘Don’t what?’

The answer should have been ‘disturb anyone else, least of all Sakura who worries about you almost as much as I do’, but what he said was, ‘I like the imaginary console thing, but don’t play your other games, Sasuke, not with me.’

‘What games?’ Sasuke’s voice was bored but his eyes stared intently into Naruto’s.

‘You want me to say it, I’ll say it.’

Inside his mind Sakura was yelling at him not to say anything, not to be confrontational, to distract, not aggravate. But she wasn’t alone, his gruff inner demon was cheering him on, _at last, let that selfish bastard know exactly what you think of him_.

Naruto took a deep breath and tried to ignore both of them and only focus on the man in front of him.

‘You used to be all disdainful and ignore all the people who wanted to fuck you and lots of people thought you were mean, but I never did, because most of the people who crushed on you didn’t know you beyond the fact you were good looking and that’s all they cared about. But now you _are_ being cruel, and not to random fangirls, but to your friends, to people who want the best for you. You deliberately tease and provoke them. It amuses you to flirt with them, to fluster them, because you think it proves that they’re worthless and they’re not helping you because they’re kind and good, but because they want to get you naked. And then you can carry on thinking that all humans are evil and that you’re right to check out of the whole human race.’

 ‘I miss your long righteous speeches.’ To Naruto’s surprise Sasuke smiled. ’And now that you’ve said all that, are you willing to take me back upstairs.’ It wasn’t a question.

 Sasuke put out the candle with his thumb and forefinger than wrapped his arms around Naruto’s neck and jumped his legs up with a natural grace Naruto had always envied but never been able to successfully copy. Without quite knowing how, Naruto found himself carrying Sasuke bridal style cautiously up the rickety staircase. He didn’t know why he was being so careful. Yesterday after wrestling Sasuke down to the floor he had simply thrown Sasuke over his shoulder and stomped up the stairs to Sasuke’s room with Sasuke’s fists thumping into his back all the way. But today when Sasuke was being cooperative, Naruto felt oddly tentative and took slow steps as if he wasn’t confident of the ground beneath him. And it wasn’t anything to do with the dark or the shambling state of the house. Naruto might run towards the sunlight, but there was no denying that he’d lived a life where he was familiar with shadows, and the places he’d called home official people condemned and boarded off as unhabitable. Maybe his rough life was what had made it easier to adjust when everything went to crap. Maybe that’s why Sasuke from his rich family who had never gone hungry in his life….

But no. That wasn’t why the once seemingly invincible Sasuke had given up. Sasuke had lived in luxury but he wasn’t pampered. He knew what it was to hurt.

Naruto had reached Sasuke’s room but he did not put Sasuke down and Sasuke made no move to free himself from Naruto.

The room was in darkness, but there was not much to see anyway: a single sleeping bag in the centre of the room. In the way these things somehow happened, Sasuke, the one of them who needed supervision, the one of them who wasn’t allowed any belongings with him in case he used them for self-harm, had ended up sleeping alone in the largest room in the house. This had once been the Sand siblings’ space, plus unofficially/officially Shikamaru. Temari, who was too fierce to say no to, had claimed it because of the view. Now the one window was of course securely boarded up. Or as securely as they could manage. On more than one occasion Sasuke had managed to pry a board loose and it’d felt like luck that they came out of those times with all their limbs intact.

There was frequent talk that the sleeping arrangements should be rethought out in a more practical way, but nothing ever came of them. Shikamaru was in charge of all the organisation and after what happened to the Sand siblings no one had the will to discuss who should sleep in their old room. Apart from Sasuke who claimed it with his habitual detachment, not caring at all what ghosts and memories lingered. When so many fought so hard down to their last breath, how could Sasuke dishonour them by wishing for his own death?

‘I miss Gaara so much.’

Naruto wouldn’t have been aware that he’d spoken his grief aloud, apart from Sasuke’s mouth leaning in towards his ear and whispering, ‘Trust you, dobe, to have _me_ willing in your arms and you start crying for your ex.’

Now Naruto dropped Sasuke, yanking the Uchiha’s arms away from where they were wrapped around Naruto’s neck.

‘Did you not bother to listen to anything I said to you downstairs? Don’t fuck around like that with me, pretending you want me when it’s all part of your game to prove how base and terrible all humans are and how everything is always about sex and death. And I love you, Sasuke, so so much, but don’t you dare push me by tarnishing Gaara’s memory, don’t you dare use his name as part of your manipulation. Piss about with me as much as you like, but don’t _eve_ r talk about Gaara like that!’’

‘Hnnn. For someone who presents as so loud and over confident, you obviously have deep seated self esteem issues if you believe being referred to as your ex is an insult to someone’s memory.’ Sasuke’s voice was at its most annoying and despite the lack of light, Naruto was certain he could discern the smirk on the Uchiha’s face.

His tiredness, his confusion, his pain and, yes, his lust, meant that he was on the knife edge of control despite his best efforts. He opened his mouth feeling the entirety of his rage and frustration about to escape, all Sakura and Ino’s instructions on how to behave vanished from his thoughts.

But Sasuke spoke again, the sudden softness and vulnerability of his voice destroying Naruto’s anger.

‘You’ve never said you love me before. I wish you hadn’t said it like that.’

‘Haven’t I? I must have? It’s obvious that I…that I…you’re my…we’re best friends…like brothers…’

‘Like _brothers_. Is that how you see me, as a _brother_? I’ve already had one of those, I don’t need another one.’ Sasuke turned away from Naruto.

There wasn’t anywhere to go in the empty room but Naruto grabbed Sasuke’s arm as if the other man was running away from him.

‘I’m sorry. It just slipped out. I didn’t mean to say it. You know how my mouth runs away from me at the best of times, let alone at the moment.’

‘Are you apologising for saying you love me or for comparing yourself to my brother?’ Sasuke’s voice was ice.

 Naruto knew there had to be a right answer, the words that would let Sasuke know how much he was cared for. And he also knew there was a wrong answer, something that would take Sasuke even further away from him. But he didn’t have Sakura or Ino’s medical knowledge in his head. He had experience, he had encountered so many desperate people in his life. But Sasuke wasn’t like anyone else.

‘Both. Neither. I don’t know.’ Naruto dropped his grip on Sasuke’s arm. ‘I’ve always loved you, and I don’t know why I’ve never told you that, maybe because I didn’t think I needed to, maybe because I thought guys don’t talk about those things and you’d punch me if I did.’ He tried to grin but he couldn’t hold the smile on his face. ‘I wish I had told you every single day since I first met you. I wish I hadn’t taken you for granted. I wish I had made sure you knew how precious you are to me.’

Tears dripped down Naruto’s face. He wiped them away with the back of his hand, this was not helping at all. He couldn’t remember when he’d last cried. Why now when he was meant to be being happy for his friend?

Sasuke turned back to Naruto, he put his hands on Naruto’s waist and pressed his forehead against his. ‘How I feel, what I do, is not your responsibility, dobe. I truly believe that it’d be impossible to find a better friend than you.’

Words were rolling free off his tongue like the tears falling from his eyes, beyond his control. ‘I am not a good friend. I’m like everyone else. I keep thinking about what it’d be like to have sex with you. I didn’t used to. It wasn’t always like this.’

‘I know, baby, I know.’

Naruto didn’t have time to process Sasuke calling him ‘baby’, his friend pressed his beautiful lips against his.  

It was a sweet almost chaste kiss, but it made Naruto’s whole body tremble with emotions he didn’t try to identify. Sasuke supported Naruto’s weight and Naruto allowed himself to be guided into the sleeping bag on the floor with Sasuke squeezed next to him.

‘What are we doing?’ Naruto asked softly. ‘What am _I_ doing? This isn’t right. I’m supposed to be looking after you. We can’t have sex. You’re not well.’

Sasuke nipped Naruto’s ear. ‘My dumb blonde.’ It sounded affectionate and Naruto snuggled closer to Sasuke although there wasn’t a sliver of air between their bodies to start with. ‘Even you must realise that biologically sex requires more nudity than either of us is currently displaying and a certain amount of penetration that is distinctly lacking. So you can conclude you’re safe, we’re not currently having sex.’

‘Are we… going to have sex?’ There was a quiver in Naruto’s voice that made his cheeks flush with warmth, but he forced himself to continue. If he’d come this far, he might as well say everything. ‘Not tonight…but sometime in the future? Will you let us have a future, Sasuke?’

‘How and when we enjoy each other is both of our decisions, not just mine.’ Sasuke kissed Naruto’s forehead. ‘But for tonight, I can see how exhausted you are so I’ll take charge and say what we’re going to do.’

Sasuke entwined his body around Naruto’s and pulled the blonde’s head down onto his chest. Naruto breathed deeply inhaling the warm scent of Sasuke’s body. His inner voices were trying to set off a hundred separate alarms, but Naruto silenced them. On the surface he was the one who laughed and talked the most, but laying here in Sasuke’s arms he realised that this was happiness here and now, and it was so different to what he normally felt that he couldn’t deny how miserable his everyday life normally was.

‘What we’re going to do is fall asleep together and keep each other warm through the cold night,’ Sasuke said.

‘Like when we were kids. In the orphanage. When we had nightmares. Before you ran away. I was so sad when you ran away. Without me. Why’d you leave me behind? We were friends. Best friends.’ Naruto’s voice was drifting into slurred mumbles, as if Sasuke saying they were going to ‘fall asleep together’ was the permission his body had been waiting for.

 ‘That was a long time ago. Don’t worry about that tonight. Besides you found me. And maybe I only ran because I wanted  to know if you’d follow me.’

‘You didn’t have to test that. You know I’ll follow you anywhere.’ Naruto nuzzled his head against Sasuke’s chest.

‘Hnnnn.’ Sasuke stroked Naruto’s hair. ‘It doesn’t matter anymore anyway. Tonight we’ve started something new. We’re not children. We’re men who are going to be lovers.’

 Naruto let out a small moan, hearing Sasuke say it out loud made it seem so real. And more than that, so right.

Sasuke had said it wasn’t like when they were children, but he started to sing the old Beatles song off his brother’s favourite album, the one that he’d always comforted Naruto with when Naruto had had his worst nightmares.

 

 _Once there was a way_  
To get back homeward  
Once there was a way  
To get back home  
Sleep, pretty darling  
Do not cry!  
And I will sing a lullaby

 _Golden slumbers fill your eyes_  
Smiles awake you when you rise  
Sleep, pretty darling  
Do not cry!  
And I will sing a lullaby

  
  
Sasuke’s soft singing voice was the last thing Naruto heard before he sunk into the peace of the deepest sleep he’d had for a very long time.

 

*

When Naruto woke up he was alone on the floor. The sleeping bag was wrapped around his body but he felt as cold as if he was naked in midwinter’s snow. He buried his face into the fabric which held Sasuke’s scent and for a long moment he closed his eyes again and imagined he hadn’t woken up, that he could believe just for a little bit longer that what had happened in the night had been a real connection between two people who loved each other. And not the clever manipulation by a suicidal man of a dumb blonde’s pathetic yearnings and loneliness. How long had Sasuke been watching him, waiting for him to be tired enough to be easily managed, all the time knowing that Naruto would be the one that would let him down and aid his escape?

Naruto bit down hard on the sleeping bag hoping it muffled the scream ripping through his soul. His whole life all he’d wanted was to have friends, so how had he ended up growing up and failing the person he loved more than anyone else?

Images tore through him of where Sasuke could be, what he could have done to himself. While he had been sleeping Sasuke had slipped away from him. Forever.

Naruto thumped his hands into the floor. No. It was impossible. He couldn’t lose Sasuke. He couldn’t help what Sasuke had done already, but if it wasn’t too late, and he didn’t believe it could be too late, he wasn’t going to waste any more time. And when he brought him back this time he wasn’t going to follow anyone else’s advice, he was going to follow his own gut and beat that bastard into the ground for playing him like this. He detangled himself from the sleeping bag.

‘I’m going to find you, Sasuke,’ he growled.

A smirk came from the doorway. ‘Well, I would say that shouldn’t be hard even for you, but judging by your little display I’d be wrong.’

Naruto stared open mouthed at where the slim man leaned nonchalantly against the doorway holding two mugs.

‘You weren’t there before. Were you? How long have you been there?  I thought you’d left me. I woke up alone. Oh thank you, thank you.’ He ran to Sasuke and hugged him tightly.

Sasuke raised the mugs he was holding above both their heads to stop them spilling. He laughed at Naruto’s enthusiasm. ‘I just needed to get up early to make a fire to boil some water to make you a morning cup of tea.’

‘You made me a cup of tea? What time did you have to get up to do the twig rubbing thing? That takes me freaking hours! I can’t believe you did that for me. And by the way you so shouldn’t have as I am supposed to look after you and the surprise would have been ruined if you came back and I wasn’t just screaming but having a full-on heart attack which would have been totally possible…’

‘Breathe, baby. There’s no need to cram every word into one sentence.’ He made a little motion for Naruto to move so he could hand him one of the mug.

Naruto took it and inhaled the warm steam. He looked up at Sasuke with wide eyes. ‘This isn’t Sakura’s bark and leaf tea, this is the real thing.’

Sasuke smiled a cat smile. ‘I may have a few items that haven’t been found on any of the many many body searches your friends insist on doing.’

‘But, Sasuke…they’re _our_ friends…and anything we have we share with everyone. That’s a basic rule of us surviving together.’

‘Naruto, the only together I am interested in is you and me. If you want us to do this thing, If you want to give me something to live for, then you’re going to have to do a few things my way. Do you understand?’

Naruto forced himself to keep meeting Sasuke’s searching gaze. He did understand. Ino had told him that some depressed people could use their suicidal impulses to emotionally blackmail and test those closest to him. And he had believed he’d never fall for such things, but now when it mattered he realised a soul truth about himself, that as long as Sasuke was safe he didn’t care how Sasuke used him.

He wasn’t as fatigued as last night though, wasn’t stupid enough to admit that to Sasuke however obvious his actions made it, it seemed important not to say it. Instead he squared up and he said, ‘I’m going to save you, bastard, I’m going to make you good, you’re not going to make me bad.’

‘That sounds like a challenge. Drink your tea, Blue Eyes, and we’ll see what the day brings, shall we?’

Naruto nodded. They sat down together with their backs against the wall. Without talking they held their mugs in their outer hands, and touched their inner hands together. Naruto played his fingers over Sasuke’s.

‘Not just today, we’ve got our whole lives together to work things out, right?’

‘Hnnn.’ Sasuke leaned his head into Naruto’s. ‘You’re always too greedy. Let’s just start with a day.’

‘A week?’

‘A day.’

‘Two days?’

‘A day.’

‘Then you leave me no choice. We are going to have to sneak off and fuck as once you’ve experienced me you’ll never think of any of the things you’ve been thinking of again.’

Sasuke smiled. ‘That confident in your skills?’

‘Nah. Not really. But hopeful.’

‘I’ll give you a day and a night.’

‘And I’ll hope for more.’

They touched their fingertips together and looked into each other’s eyes.

‘I do feel hope, yaknow, proper shining hope for the first time in ages? Is that Okay?’ Naruto said quietly.

‘Yes. Just try and remember that I don’t have your shining hope. Is that okay?’

‘No,’ Naruto replied. ‘You’re not going to leave me, bastard, I won’t let you. I won’t sleep. I’ll follow you absolutely anywhere you go. I’ll be your shadow. It’ll be like there’s hundreds of me surrounding you everywhere. I will _never_ let you leave me.’

‘That’s my boy.’ Sasuke raised his mug towards Naruto. ‘Let’s drink to the beginning of a relationship even more unhealthy than the one we had before when we dealt with our emotions through regular one-sided fights.’

‘Those fights weren’t that one sided, Uchiha, you weren’t all that great.’

‘Don’t you remember confessing the truth to me last night?’ Sasuke’s eyes narrowed teasingly. ‘How I’ve always been a better fighter, with superior technique. Do you remember that, dobe?’

Naruto clinked his mug against Sasuke’s with more force than necessary. ‘Here’s to you being a less annoying bastard and being grateful for what an amazing friend you’ve got in me.’

Sasuke smiled. ‘Here’s to you being exactly as you are, I wouldn’t change anything about you.’

Naruto felt the heat rise to his cheeks. The way Sasuke looked at him, the tone of his voice, there was no longer any escaping from the power the other man had over him. This was going to be so difficult. He knew that no one in the house would approve of whatever was happening between Sasuke and him and he knew that they were right. The way he’d felt when he’d woken up alone, so certain that Sasuke had played him was proof of that. But something _had_ happened and now there was no going back.

He sipped on Sasuke’s smuggled tea and held on to the hope that somehow everything would be all right.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is one of two stories I am posting at the same time just to see if there is any interest in them. I'll only continue one of them at this time. I don't have a strict plan for this one, but if there were more chapters they would probably be focused on the dynamics between Sasuke and Naruto rather than world building the dystopia they live in (although that would obviously be explained more than it is here) and I am uncertain how it would end.
> 
> I started writing this when I was actually on suicide watch for someone close to me with the hope I could do a bit of writing therapy and explore my feelings. It has turned out a bit differently to that, and if you have any time to leave feedback I truly appreciate it and it'll influence whether I carry on writing this particular story or not. 
> 
> Thank you as ever for your time in reading this, I adore you all x


	2. Chapter 2

Naruto woke up with a jolt. What had happened? He was sitting up leaning against the wall in Sasuke’s room. Just like it should be. Except he wasn’t sitting up, his body was all drooped sideways over Sasuke’s. He’d fallen asleep…again. On Sasuke’s shoulders of all places. He stared at his friend with guilty wide eyes.  
‘Sorry. I don’t know why I dozed off. I slept better last night than I have in ages and ages. You know I’m more alert than this normally and that I don’t just fall asleep all the time for no reason and…’  
‘What are you apologising for, Idiot? If you want to sleep, sleep. It’s not like we’ve got a whirlwind day of unmissable social engagements ahead.’ Sasuke stared forwards, his body perfectly still as if he was unaware or indifferent to Naruto leaning all his weight against his slim frame.  
Naruto bit back the immediate and obvious answer, how could Sasuke rely on him and trust him if he fell asleep so easily? How could he keep his friend safe if he didn’t have absolute control of his body and senses?  
Instead with a slight blush to his cheeks, he said, ‘I’ve drooled over you.’  
‘I know.’ With sudden quickness Sasuke turned and flicked his tongue around Naruto’s mouth. ‘You drooled over yourself too. But clean now.’ He caressed his thumb over the skin he’d just licked.  
Naruto was sure his whole face must be bright red now. He was also pretty sure that another guy lapping your dried dribble up should be incredibly icky, so why did it feel like the most romantic thing that had ever happened to him? He wanted to wrap his arms around Sasuke and pull him down on top of him and…and what? Wrestle and tussle like they were still kids? The thought of rolling about on the floor with his best friend made his cock twitch in a way that was hard to resist.  
However, he had to resist it. He needed to not touch Sasuke. He needed to talk to him, put boundaries and rules around whatever was happening between them. In honesty, he had no idea what those boundaries and rules should be, just that they should exist.   
He shuffled a few inches away from his friend and hope his face looked serious and non-blushy. ‘I love you.’  
Even Sasuke showed shock at that declaration, his head jerked around to stare at Naruto. His brow creased up and his lips parted but it was clear he was not going to say anything, being the bastard he was he let Naruto’s words fill the empty room making the silence between them feel tangibly suffocating.  
That is not what Naruto had meant to say, he’d meant to say something a proper grown up would say. Though a proper grown up wouldn’t have got themselves somehow entangled with the friend they were supposed to be protecting. But why was Sasuke looking at him like that? Wasn’t this thing happening between them based on mutual love? Hadn’t Naruto already said the words to Sasuke last night? So why did it feel so different today in the daylight?  
If Naruto could give into his inner impulses he would be gut punching Sasuke right now and shouting at the Uchiha for being so cold and quiet when Naruto was putting himself out there for him.  
Instead he took deep breaths and tried to think of sensible things to say to try and regain control of this situation.  
‘Are you going to eat today?’ He knew Sakura would say his tone was way too aggressive on such a delicate issue, but compared to the turmoil inside him, Naruto thought he held it together quite well.  
‘Are you going to make me?’ The smirk, the raised eyebrow.  
Teme, this isn’t a joke! This is me trying to save you from yourself.  
But no he couldn’t get angry. He had to focus on the relief of seeing Sasuke smile. And a smirk in Sasukeworld was a beaming grin. Sasuke’s smiles had always been hard won treasures, but now they were more like mythical creatures half remembered from century old fairy tales.  
‘I’ll look after you,’ Naruto said.  
That was neutral enough. Hopefully. However, the follow up pat he gave Sasuke’s cheek was more of a mistake than the slipped out declaration of love judging by the way the Uchiha glared at him.  
‘Sakura came in earlier. She wants to talk to you.’ Sasuke’s voice was cold enough to make Naruto’s balls retract into his body.  
The worst swear words Naruto knew pounded through his head. She would have seen him asleep. And worse asleep on top of Sasuke. She was going to properly kill him. Not only had he failed to be on guard for Sasuke, he had become…intimate with him.   
Well, it wasn’t as if he could keep this thing between him and Sasuke a secret, he just wished he knew what this thing was before he had to face the others and defend himself. But it was out there now and he wasn’t one to delay trouble. And more importantly out of the rest of his friends, Sakura was the one who cared for Sasuke the most, she’d be worrying right now about what was going on and deserved some sort of explanation. He just had to hope he could say it in a way that would calm her mind rather than increase her worrying.  
He slipped his fingers through Sasuke’s. ‘Ready to announce our couplehood to the world?’  
Despite his concern about how Sakura and everyone else would react, his heart still skipped a beat with excitement that Sasuke and his relationship had changed so much in one night that they were on the cusp of telling all their friends how much they loved each other. And not bro pat on the back love, but big fat cupid oversized Valentine’s card love.  
But Sasuke didn’t seem to feel the same.  
Sasuke gazed at Naruto’s hand a moment before pulling his own away. ‘I won’t be wanted at this particular discussion.’  
Naruto shrugged and retook Sasuke’s hand. ‘Who cares. I want you by my side.’   
Then he was struck by how pushy and demanding that might sound to someone who was vulnerable. He released Sasuke’s hand with a guilty frown. ‘Sorry, yaknow, if you want to stay here, you stay here, I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to do.’   
He shuffled towards the door but then turned back on his heel struck with yet more doubts about what he was saying and how he was acting. ‘But, yaknow, don’t do those things you want to do that you shouldn’t do and which would break me if you succeeded. Not that how I feel matters or anything but I just…’  
‘Go. I’ll try not to slash my wrists with my nonexistence knife while you’re not here to protect me.’  
Sasuke’s voice dripped with displeasure, he wasn’t even looking at Naruto but gazing at the bare wall which was apparently more interesting than the man who he’d spent the night tightly wrapped together with. But Naruto didn’t want to leave him. He wanted to ignore everyone else, forget all his daily duties and just hold onto this beautiful man for ever.  
‘Go,’ Sasuke repeated.  
Naruto sighed heavily but he obeyed.  
***  
The walls and floors in this house were too thin, Sasuke had to concentrate not to hear the conversation that was going on below him. But his focus left him whenever Naruto’s voice boomed out.  
‘I don’t need a housevote and permission slips from y’all and if any of you think differently it’s going to get ugly! Sasuke is my boyfriend now and if I want to fuck him I’m going to fuck him.’  
‘You’re suddenly very sure of yourself, dobe,’ Sasuke whispered, a smile dancing over his lips.  
This was the Naruto he thought of most lately, the one who saw the world around him wasn’t right and stomped through with his will of fire, determined and certain that he could change everything to the way it should be, the way he wanted it to be. It was lucky for all in his vicinity that what Naruto wanted was fairness and kindness and laughter.  
Downstairs, Ino and Sakura were making whining replies back to Naruto about responsibility and other boring and pointless things. Ino sounded hurt, Sakura angry.  
‘Ignore them. They’re jealous I’ve never chosen either of them to share my bed.’   
As he spoke to the empty room, Sasuke glanced wryly at the mangled sleeping bag which counted as his ‘bed’. He remembered his childhood home, something he hadn’t thought about properly for years, and his stomach felt hollow with longing. Not for himself. But for Naruto. Not that Naruto would ever have asked for anything close to luxury. The blonde idiot was the opposite of materialistic, even before all this, he’d always worn his clothes until they were threadbare. If he had any spare money it got quickly transformed into the type of sugary nightmare that gave you diabetes just by looking at it.   
How he wished he could feed Naruto those sweets he loved now, Sasuke’s hands fluttered in the air as he imagined putting his fingers through Naruto’s full lips and placing expensive chocolates on that hungry pink tongue.  
It felt so real, a tremor went through his body ending in his groin, it felt like a memory. But no, it wasn’t real. That world had gone, and when he’d had his chance, he hadn’t given Naruto the things the blonde had yearned for. The only ‘feeding’ he could recall was when he’d pinned his friend down and stuffed lettuce leaves into his mouth. He smiled at the thought, but couldn’t fill the memory out as to what had prompted him to do that, and whether it had been fun teasing or angry argument, and afterwards had Naruto sulked at him or joked? Oh, yes, he did remember, that was when Naruto had somehow spiked everything Sasuke ate for a week with heaps of sugar and salt. Sasuke had of course pretended he didn’t notice, infuriating the idiot even more. Was it too wrong that Sasuke delighted in getting Naruto to lose his temper? The sheer energy and loudness of the blonde was breath taking. He hadn’t seen it that way at the time, he’d safely categorised and contained Naruto as a hot tempered idiot who insisted they were friends because of a mistake Sasuke had made in the early days at the orphanage.   
Sasuke lay down on the floor and closed his eyes. He hadn’t heard Naruto speak for a long while and he didn’t want to hear what anyone else said, it’d only make him angry, and he was too tired to feel angry anymore. He may as well lose himself in his memories, what else was there?  
Lots of people thought he was too rich to end up in an orphanage, but where was he supposed to go when his family was dead? He understood there were strangers claiming to be distant relatives clawing through long and expensive court cases for possession of him, or rather for the money he was due to inherit when he came of age. He held just enough interest in where he ended up that he didn’t want any of them to benefit from his tragedy. So he declined to choose any of them and they continued with their long court cases and he went to an orphanage.   
The bullies had of course wanted to make sure he knew who they were and surrounded him at their first opportunity: their free time playing in the fields. Sasuke fought back, his pride wouldn’t let him do anything else, but in truth he hadn’t cared. There were worse things that could happen than a few kids punching you.   
Then out of nowhere a blur of orange had leapt into the fray.  
Sasuke still hadn’t cared. He was vastly outnumbered anyway, and this one was smaller than the rest. What did it matter having two extra small fists punching down on him? Not at all. Nothing mattered.  
He glanced at the newcomer, and saw the too eager open grin on his face, the hideous clothes that couldn’t be hand me downs like everyone else was dressed in, as Sasuke couldn’t believe anyone else would ever have chosen to wear them. This was obviously some hanger on, desperate to get in with the main ‘cool’ group.  
But the newcomer had ignored the others as if they didn’t exist and beamed at him. He shouted out as if there were miles between them. ‘Don’t be scared, Sasuke Uchiha! I’m Naruto Uzumaki, and like all heroes I am arriving at exactly the right moment to save the day!’  
Sasuke’s stomach swirled. Something in the way the boy had said his name. Something about how blue his eyes were. Bile rose in his throat as he thought about what the bullies would do to this smiling idiot, his self-styled protector. But he swallowed it back, and hissed out angry bitter words, all directed at the blonde fool rather than any of the ones who had been attacking him. This had that magic effect that sometimes happened in these random acts of playground violence, where all the hostile attention turned away from Sasuke and towards Naruto, a much more obvious target. And judging by the scars on his face he’d endured violence before. So why was he jumping between Sasuke and his fate as if he could make a difference, when he must know he couldn’t?  
Black rage boiled in him. All his anger was suddenly focused on this stupid smiling boy who must know how ridiculous he was. He felt like he could rip him apart, spill all his blood out on the cold ground, hit him and hit him until every tooth was knocked out of his idiot head and he’d never smile again. Why did anyone have a right to look so happy when the world was so horrendous?  
There must have been some change in him, these kids all versed in the depths of unhinged violence stepped back. Apart from Naruto who kept smiling as if he really had saved Sasuke. In a voice that was genuinely kind he started chatting to the bullies, some sort of speech about how they should stop taking their pain out on each other as they’d all already suffered so much.  
Those words were more than enough to light the tinder of Sasuke’s temper, he moved to pummel Naruto into the ground. But instead he found his body moving with an instinct beyond the workings of his mind. He swept Naruto out of the way and stood in his place taking all the blows that were meant for the dumb blonde.   
In the following weeks, his body aching and broken, with the yellowheaded idiot trailing him everywhere and constantly declaring that they were best friends and would never be parted, Sasuke had cursed and questioned how he’d done something so foolish, when he could have so simply and so sensibly walked away.  
Now in this cold house, dragging his body through what felt like the dreg ends of his life, he wondered if something as unlikely as love at first sight truly did exist, and he’d been one of the rare individuals to be blessed with experiencing it.  
‘Hey, what you thinking about? You look almost happy?’  
Sasuke opened his eyes and looked at the man version of the child he was thinking about.  
Naruto lay down beside him. ‘I don’t know if our first day as boyfriends is going very well. Everyone’s speaking to me like I’m a rapist.’  
‘Then everyone is stupid.’ Sasuke spoke calmly.   
He couldn’t let the anger in. Not again. That side of him was already dead. It was just waiting for the rest of him to follow. What did it matter that people Naruto thought of as friends were making the sweetest man feel like the vilest? A sound escaped from his lips.  
‘Did you just growl?’ Naruto chuckled and without waiting for a response rolled into Sasuke’s body resting his head on Sasuke’s chest. ‘I like that. I hope I can make you growl some more, or should it be purring? I’m a bit unpractised in yaknow sexy talk. Which may be good as I’m pretty sure sexy talk is on my list of banned things, so if I’m bad at it, that doesn’t count as doing it, right?’ Naruto wriggled about pulling a piece of paper out of his pocket covered in so much writing that there was barely any spare space separating the words. ‘Lucky I scavenged that notebook for Sakura a couple of weeks back so her and Ino can write down all the things I’m supposed to do.’ He flipped the page over which was likewise covered in writing. ‘And all the things I’m not.’  
Naruto’s voice should be dripping in venom and sarcasm, but instead he sounded grateful.  
‘When I’m tired it’s easy, yaknow, to get confused and get things wrong and I never want to get anything wrong with you. So I’m sorry, really sorry, I know now I shouldn’t have said I love you. I do love you, obviously, but I shouldn’t have said it like I meant it in a romantic way, it puts too much pressure on you and it isn’t something you should have to deal with. You need to be entirely focused on your healing and…’  
Sasuke pulled the bit of paper from Naruto’s hands and ripped it to pieces. He wanted to burn it, but now wasn’t the time to get diverted with a conversation about why he had matches secreted on his person and hidden from the others.  
‘Sakura was training as a cardiac specialist, not a psychiatrist. Ino was barely scraping through on her psychology papers and was far more interested in the latest diet fads than complex theories about factors affecting dopamine and serotonin uptake. They are not world experts. They are nothing. Stop playing this pathetic charade with them of doctor and patients. There is no hope. Doing everything they say will not make me better.’   
Naruto looked like he had been slapped. Sasuke wanted to kiss him but remained rigidly still. He didn’t know what his body would do if he gave into the urge to touch his friend. His emotions were too complex to predict. He’d waited so many years for Naruto to say he loved him and now he didn’t seem to be able to stop saying it and then looking guilty and effectively withdrawing it.  
‘Sasuke.’ Naruto spoke quietly. ‘In this world we’re left with, maybe they are the world’s experts. ‘  
It was something he was more likely to say than Naruto, that the best mental health advice left came from two young women with barely any mental health knowledge. He turned on his side to face the other man.  
‘And if there’s even a chance of a spark of truth in what they’re saying, I will jump at their every command. I won’t lose you. I want to be smart and stable and reliable for you. Someone worth living for.’  
There was so much Sasuke could reply. Too much.   
He wished he could believe in people like Naruto did. But if either Sakura or Ino had any sense they’d have left Naruto in happy peace and come and given their lecture to him. If he cared for Naruto, why had Sasuke lunged out and grabbed hold of his friend when Sasuke was weighed down and drowning? All he’d do was pull Naruto down with him. Whatever that was, that wasn’t love.   
He should tell Naruto to leave. End it now. This could all be forgotten by Naruto, put down to a tired haze. He was good at pushing people away. What was he if he didn’t have his emotional coldness? A ball of nuclear anger ready to destroy everything.  
In the silence of the room, Sasuke turned over the words that would be hurtful enough to make Naruto leave him alone, but not bad enough that they caused an argument where either of them could end up saying anything. This needed to be a clean cut between them. As far as possible, Naruto had to have no regrets and just see Sasuke’s fate as inevitable, something no one could have stopped.  
‘No,’ Naruto suddenly said firmly.  
Sasuke met the blue eyes, his thoughts interrupted. ‘No what, dobe?’  
‘I think I remember last night telling you not to treat me like you treat everyone else.’  
‘And?’  
‘And yesterday I was talking about your tricks of using your hotness to get people to feel close to you and let down your guard, and now I’m talking about you thinking about how to get rid of me, to stop me caring about you. It sounds like the opposite, but it’s just the same. So I’m telling you no.’  
Sasuke kept staring in to those eyes. He didn’t believe in anyone else, but he did believe in Naruto. Why grieve that he couldn’t get professional advice, when the only person he ever wanted to be honest with was right here with him, listening to every word he said.  
‘I’d been planning last night for a long time, wearing the others down so they’d allow you to be my only night guard, observing you, waiting until you were tired enough to give into your desires and let go of all your reservations.’  
Naruto’s cheeks flushed. ‘How long um…you wanted me, really wanted me that much? It wasn’t just something that happened in the moment?   
‘I could have killed myself so many times, but I didn’t and I realised you were the only thing holding me back. I thought if I fucked you once then I’d be ready to let go.’  
Then Naruto laughed as only Naruto could laugh, warm and encompassing and eternal as if there was nothing but jokes and happiness in his life.  
‘I don’t think that was funny.’ Sasuke frowned.  
‘Oh, it so is, or it better be, because the other option is crying. Only you, bastard, could make me feel so special in one moment, and the very next squish me under your very beautiful foot. You think I am going to be so crap at sex, that just one single time with me will make you want to die?’  
It wasn’t funny. But Sasuke found himself laughing too. Then he found himself being pulled into Naruto’s tight embrace, the heat of the other’s man body surrounding him.  
‘I’ll show you how bad I am at sex,’ Naruto grunted pulling at Sasuke’s clothes as if he wanted them all to immediately disappear.  
Sasuke covered his mouth to stop his laughter. ‘You really do need to work on your bedroom talk. Or should I assume you mean that literally? Lowering my expectations so much that you can’t fail to impress me?’  
‘We’ll see who impresses who.’  
Naruto’s mouth swooped down into his throat with the perfect combination of nipping teeth and caressing tongue. Sasuke’s back arched upwards into his lover, he moaned out his pleasure.  
The floorboards around the house seemed to creak with extra volume. A nagging reminder that they weren’t alone. Naruto was oblivious to the disapproving noise of their housemates, he was so intent on his task that it turned Sasuke on even more. Another day he would have revelled in fucking Naruto as loudly as possible to prove exactly what he thought of all the rules that had been laid down on how to manage him. To show the others how quickly he could turn Naruto around to obeying only his lust for Sasuke.  
But this was Naruto. He couldn’t risk losing everything that he’d so recently gained through the others staging some sort of intervention and ruining it all. He wasn’t going to have his first time with his friend shattered by Sakura coming in and shouting at Naruto for destroying Sasuke’s chances of ‘recovery’.  
It was physically painful to do it but he pushed Naruto off.  
Naruto’s face was frustration, confusion and embarrassment. ‘Did I not…I mean did I…misread…was I truly bad? You don’t want anymore? Not that you have to explain anything…I’  
‘Neither of us are easy people, it’s always going to be complicated,’ Sasuke replied, his voice breathy as if he’d been exerting himself.  
Naruto’s frown deepened. Then he continued with his doubting voice so different from him at his most booming confident that it felt like another man. ‘I shouldn’t have…it’s wrong…it is taking advantage…I say I am going to listen to Sakura and Ino and then I jump you like an animal and…’  
‘You should have. I want you. You want me. That bit is simple. We just need the right place and time.’  
‘You’ll wait for us to find it?’  
‘I don’t know, Naruto. I hope so.’   
He curled up against Naruto and Naruto held him tight enough that it bordered on pain. But Sasuke didn’t complain and they lay quiet listening to each other’s breathing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a bit of trouble uploading this, so I hope it reads ok!  
> I've added a new chapter in response to the positive feedback but I don't know how long this story will be yet, I think there is lots for Sasuke and Naruto to explore together but I am writing it one chapter at a time at the moment. If you do have time to leave a comment, I am always grateful and it does keep me writing.


	3. Chapter 3

Naruto looked down the street, if it still could be called a street. The shapes of the buildings were more recognisable than anything else that they’d passed, so yeah, he guessed in this world this counted as the high-end desirable neighbourhood. If he squinted and used his imagination, he could erase all the damage and see it how it might have originally been, a row of people’s homes, people’s places of safety and relaxation. And if he stopped his thoughts there it was ok, if he stopped himself thinking about where all the people were who’d once lived and loved in these abandoned shells.

‘It’s not too bad here is it, I’m certain we’re going to find lots of useful things to take back.’ Naruto beamed at Sasuke standing next to me and patted his empty backpack lovingly as if it was already overflowing with goodies.

Sasuke stared back at him with his eyes at their darkest, his mouth a straight line.

Naruto’s smile faltered.

_Yeah, great idea, dobe, take your depressed best friend, who’s given you the miracle chance of your life to be his new boyfriend, away from safety and show him exactly how dead the outside world still is._

‘So, um, it’s been a while since you’ve been out, hasn’t it? It must be a nice change, right?’ Naruto somehow kept his lips frozen in a hopeful grin.

‘Do you really want me to say that I’m glad that instead of spending the day cuddled together, I’m happy that you insisted on _meeting your responsibilities_ and following your housemates’ schedule of pointless chores?’ Sasuke’s voice curled cruelly in an imitation of Naruto’s eagerness.

‘Scavenging isn’t pointless, it’s fun. We could find…’

‘A treasure map leading to an endless supply of unperishable food that somehow every other desperate scavenger has missed up until now.’

‘Don’t be like that. It’s an adventure, our first time out as…yaknow, boyfriends.’

Sasuke gazed at him. Then he gazed slowly and pointedly around their surroundings. ‘Is there a side of you I’m unfamiliar with? Some dark secret part of you behind your idiot grin that finds houses with their innards ripped out, and the constant stench of rot and decay _erotic_? What _exactly_ are we looking for on this, our first adventurous romantic scavenge together as _boyfriends_? There might be a skeleton still with some skin attached in one of these houses that we could…’

‘Don’t! Whatever your sick mind is thinking of don’t you dare share it with me, you bastard freak!’

There was a moments silence where Sasuke continued to stare nonchalantly at Naruto and Naruto stared everywhere but at Sasuke.

In a much quieter voice, Naruto said, ‘Sorry about calling your mind sick. I think that that is the sort of thing I’m not supposed to say.’

‘You’re not sorry about calling me a bastard freak though?’

‘The freak bit might be off limits too.’ Naruto rubbed his head sheepishly and looked back at Sasuke. ‘Seriously though, why are you saying things like that? Aren’t you a little bit happy to be out of the house together? Yaknow, it’s a really cool big step after so long trying to keep you locked inside, for your own sake and everything obviously, but still you were locked up which can’t have been fun, but yaknow, isn’t there a little excitment that they changed their mind and let you come with me today?’

 ‘You do realise don’t you,’ Sasuke said in a flat voice, ‘that the reason you were _allowed_ to take me on this scavenge, is that your friends believe it’ll give me ample opportunity to escape from you, you’ll return alone, and they can forget about me and go back to focusing on what’s important, themselves.’

Naruto frowned with absolute confusion. ‘That’s mad. Not saying that you’re mad, which I’m probably not allowed to, I’m saying what you’re saying is pure crazy. I mean, one, I would never let you get away from me. _Never_. And why would you want to get away from me, you’re like showing me how much you like being with me now, right? And you said you wanted to whoop dee doo with me before you did anything totally stupid that you’re not going to do now anyway as we’re together. And two, if something totally random and unbelievable happened and you did get away from me, I’d chase you down until I found you again. There is no way while I had a drop of blood in my veins and a breath of air in my lungs that I’d stop searching for you. And….what number am I at?’

‘Three, still well within the bounds of counting on your fingers.’ Sasuke smirked.

Naruto was glad to see the hint of amusement on his friend’s face even if it was caused by mocking him. Hey, he’d be the dumb clown through this life and the next if it made Sasuke happy. Though right now he was at least attempting to be serious.

‘And, _three._ ’ Naruto held up three fingers. ‘Everyone loves you and wants you to come home and get better as much as I do. They agreed to you coming out with me as they know what a great scavenger you are and you’re an asset to our team and they want you to be fully involved with everything because they trust and believe in you.’

Sasuke raised an eyebrow, but did not bother to say out loud how much he doubted the truth of what Naruto said. He didn’t need to. His face looked as if it was sculpted out of marble with the sole purpose to display the essence of disdain and suspicion.

Naruto reached into a pocket to search for the list that Sakura and Ino had made for him about how to act around Sasuke, before he remembered Sasuke had torn it up. So he just had to try, without any written instructions, to recall all the rules. The ones about kissing Sasuke being the most urgent, because right now his body was aching to kiss the other man. But there was absolutely nothing in Sasuke’s manner that said he wanted to be kissed. And Naruto couldn’t be certain whether it was his instinctive knowledge of Sasuke that made him want to embrace his friend, or whether it was the twitching of his cock that made him want to close the gap between them.

The attraction he’d tried to supress before was nothing compared to what he felt now that it was real, that Sasuke and him could and would do things together. He was dry tinder and Sasuke was a naked flame.

But whatever he felt wand wanted was irrelevant in how him and Sasuke were supposed to act. He was pretty sure that he was banned from starting anything with Sasuke, all physical contact was supposed to originate from Sasuke and then Naruto’s responses were supposed to be passive and muted. He remembered that bit perfectly as despite the bleakness of what they were talking about, protecting their suicidal friend, Kiba and Shikamaru had both laughed outright at the idea of Naruto being able to be passive and muted. But Sakura had soldiered on, saying that even if Naruto couldn’t keep to all the rules all the time, it was essential that he always tried and never gave up.

Naruto sighed, Sakura knew him well, that was a key phrase for him, never give up. All through his life he kept going through everything, always hopeful that if he hung in things would improve. And they had. Until they hadn’t.

Sasuke caressed Naruto’s cheek with the back of his hand. ‘Don’t think so much, dobe, it doesn’t suit you. It never has.’

Naruto automatically took Sasuke’s hand in his and caressed the palm and fingers with his lips. Then abruptly dropped it unsure if Sakura and Ino would count that as initiating contact. His cheeks flushed and he rubbed the back of his head, unsure if he was more embarrassed from showing Sasuke tenderness or because of stopping and not doing more.

Sasuke being Sasuke said nothing and just stared at him with a typical indifferent Sasuke expression on his face.

Something Kiba had said earlier flashed into his mind, there had been a lot more cursing involved, but the basic thing his friend had been saying was summarised in one question, ‘Why are you suddenly hot for Sasuke? Forget everyone else talking about what he needs, what about what _you_ need? How are you going to manage in a relationship with someone who hides all his emotions, has no passion for anything, and openly says he doesn’t care whether he lives or dies?’

The redness in Naruto’s cheek was now from guilt. Even if it had just been the briefest moment he hated that he’d doubted Sasuke, he knew that the man who had been his first and best friend wasn’t how Kiba described him. Sasuke was so much more than what anyone else had ever seen. And that was why it was so important that Naruto didn’t ruin this fledgling romance between them. Sasuke was trusting him and that made Naruto’s soul bleed with the responsibility. Sasuke at his most vulnerable was trusting him, Naruto, as his lover. And all Naruto’s body wanted to do was hold him, squeeze and grind and hump and hug.

Naruto rubbed a hand across his forehead. ‘I wish I knew the right thing to do.’

‘I said to stop thinking. Your brain doesn’t like being used.’ Sasuke took Naruto’s hand in his and started pulling him forward at a fast pace. ‘Let’s give this over with. Confirm this area is deserted because there is nothing here. You can feel like you’ve done your duty and then when we go back, we can finally be together.’

Naruto let Sasuke yank him forward, it was easy to follow the rule and let Sasuke be in control when he could feel Sasuke’s fingers entwined around his.

‘Aren’t we together now though? Yaknow, we’re more together out here than we are at home because there’s no one else around and…’

‘Are you attempting to seduce me?’

‘No. I don’t think so. Unless you want to be seduced?’

Sasuke abruptly stopped. ‘You _are_ right.’

‘I am? I mean, of course I am. About what?’

‘We have opportunity for a much better and longer fuck out here than with Sakura and Ino spying on us.’ Sasuke looked around. ‘It’s a burnt-out cesspit when you deserve a palace, but we both know that in this world good people like you never get the beauty you truly deserve. And do you know of anywhere else that you prefer?’

So that was Sasuke being very direct and definitely initiating contact, but for some reason Naruto’s stomach twisted with nerves rather than excited anticipation.

Maybe because Sasuke had confessed his plan had been to experience sex with Naruto before ending it all. What if he still felt like that?

Maybe because he wasn’t sure what Sasuke wanted. Was he serious, or just mocking as usual? Both were equally possible.

Naruto tried to imagine walking into one of the looted buildings, finding a bed, maybe one that still had sheets on it, and having sex for the first time with his best friend in what had once been someone else’s home and was now nothing.

In a soft voice Sasuke said, ‘Sorry. Sorry if I put you off earlier when I was mentioning the skeleton. I shouldn’t tease you, I’m grateful to you more than I can ever say. And I _am_ glad to be alone with you. It is just…difficult.’

 ‘Yeah, ain’t it just?’ Naruto yearned to kiss and hold Sasuke but he restrained himself to just caressing his thumb over Sasuke’s where they were still holding hands. ‘You’re the only person I felt I could just _be_ with, yaknow, but I’m so terrified of screwing up so badly that I make things worse for you, that right now I am thinking and thinking again about everything I say and do, more than with anyone.’

Sasuke opened his mouth but then closed it and gave a small nod.

‘Maybe we should just stick to the scavenging today?’ Naruto asked.

Again Sasuke said nothing but just nodded.

They went through three houses in silence. Sasuke was quick but efficient, despite his earlier cynicism that they would find nothing, he searched diligently, pulling up floorboards, prying every closed drawer open, reaching fearlessly into the darkness of deep cupboards. Without planning it out they fell into a natural arrangement of Naruto keeping guard while Sasuke did the majority of the exploring.

Naruto slipped into the role of lookout easily, forgetting the confusion of his new relationship with Sasuke and becoming completely alert to any possible danger. But out on the street while they were choosing their next place, it was Sasuke who hissed under his breath what had become one of the most dreaded word, ‘Dogs.’

Naruto couldn’t hear or see any sign of any other life aside from his friend beside him. With anyone else he would have doubted them, but Sasuke had always had amazing senses.

‘How many?’ Naruto asked.

The answer was Sasuke taking Naruto’s hand and running back into the house they’d just left.

‘That many,’ Naruto muttered.

It’d been the smallest of the three because of the damage it’d taken, if they were going to hide Naruto would have chosen something with solid walls and doors that weren’t hanging off their hinges, but he didn’t pause in following Sasuke. What might have once been the living room was covered in broken glass, what appeared to be far more than could have come from its own windows and patio doors. Sasuke bent down and picked up a couple of manageable shards. Naruto did the same, though he swallowed hard, he knew it was one of the stupid contradictions about him that made Sasuke call him an idiot, but it was how it was: he liked fighting but he hated hurting people or animals.

Sasuke didn’t take up a fighting pose though, he secreted the glass somewhere about his person, too quickly for Naruto to see where or how, Naruto put his own makeshift weapons as safely as he could in his own pockets. Sasuke jogged to the part of the house where a staircase might have been. Still not speaking, he put his hands together for Naruto to step in, which Naruto did, easily gripping onto the upper floor and pulling himself up.

It was only when he immediately turned, balancing himself securely in the broken-up house, and reached out his hand to help Sasuke up after him, that doubt and fear froze his heart.

Sasuke wasn’t ready to follow him, he wasn’t even looking up after him, he was staring out into a place Naruto couldn’t see. He had a sense that even if he was standing right next to his friend, he wouldn’t see what Sasuke did right now.

‘Uchiha! If you don’t get up here, I’m coming back down.’ He reached his arm down as far as he could.

Sasuke didn’t move.

‘Bastard! I don’t care how vulnerable everyone says you are, if you make me this angry, I’m still going to kick your skinny white ass.’

With a sudden swiftness, Sasuke grabbed Naruto’s hand and allowed his friend to pull him up beside him.

His voice as mocking and superior as ever, he said, ‘And here was I thinking you had finally realised there are much more interesting things to do with my ass than kick it.’

If Sasuke hadn’t torn up his rules, Naruto would have had guidelines to know how to act in this situation, but he didn’t so however it turned out was Sasuke’s fault, leaving him to rely on only his own instincts.

He thumped Sasuke hard in the shoulder. ‘Don’t pretend that didn’t just happen.’

‘What are you talking about, dobe?’ Sasuke raised an eyebrow.

‘You know exactly what I am talking about.’

‘What I know is that dogs have excellent hearing and you are exceptionally loud.’

The world seemed more in tune with Sasuke than him right now. The silence that had surrounded them thus far in their scavenge transformed into barking howls.

A shiver went through Naruto, so much noise after so much silence was eerie.

‘Yeah, they have excellent hearing, but they can’t fly which I guess is the point of being up here where there are no stairs. So why would the one of us who super-sensed the dog pack in the first place, and had the plan of hiding here rather than running which _I_ think we could’ve done, be standing dumb as if he were waiting for the dogs to come and get him and rip him apart. If it’s not clear, by the way, you’re the dumb one I am talking about.’ He poked Sasuke in the chest. ‘What the hell were you thinking? That I’d just sit up here all on my lonesome feeling safe and happy listening to you screaming out your life? I mean, Sasuke, I mean…you can’t have…tell me I’m wrong…that’s too horrible….too painful….dogs…’ Naruto slumped forward his head falling into his hands. ‘How can you be talking to me about having sex and then just a bit later considering doing something like that?’

Sasuke knelt next to Naruto, his voice was calm and clear, even amused. ‘Remember you refused my offers of sex, how do you think I would cope with being rejected by the love of my life?’

Naruto growled as fiercely as any of the dogs. ‘This is not a joke.’ He pushed Sasuke away. It was a simple movement but sharp pain pierced his side and made him cry out.

The Uchiha moved quicker than Naruto, seeing what had happened immediately whereas it took a moment for Naruto to recall the shards of glass they’d picked up as weapons and that he’d placed in his pockets.

Sasuke’s fingers were deft, removing Naruto’s upper clothes, examining and tending to the wound. He removed the glass and placed it far away from Naruto, before producing an array of supplies from what Naruto had thought was the same as Naruto’s, an empty back sack ready to be filled with anything they found on the scavenge, but which turned out to be some kind of magical bag which contained everything that you might need if your partner accidentally stabbed themselves during the mission.

‘It’s barely a scratch, save your supplies,’ Naruto said. If he was a better more responsible housemate, he’d question Sasuke carefully about how he had all these things when the rest of them were struggling to find even the most basic things, but his emotions were ruling again.

The easiest thing to deal with was the headache caused by the loud barking, the dogs were not passing through as they should be, but were loitering in the area, obviously they had sniffed out something much more interesting than Sasuke and him had found. His brain was too adjusted to quiet now to cope with too much sound. In the old world he’d loved noise, more than once Sasuke had treated him to tickets to bands whose names were deliberately unpronounceable and stood next to Naruto as Naruto bounced the night away in the mosh pit. Even in the midst of the most raucous crowd, Sasuke never got elbowed or shoved. Once a lead singer whose face was more piercings and tattoos than skin had seen Sasuke and paused in her stage dive.

‘What are you grinning like that for? You know a simple scratch like this can go septic. You need to be more careful.’

‘If you want to know I was happy because I was thinking about how proud I always was having such a badass like you as my friend, and how I always wanted to be like you. But now I am smiling in disbelief, is _I want to be ripped apart by rabid dogs boy_ really trying to lecture me about being more careful?’ Naruto’s grins widened, despite a mini-Sakura in his head instructing him about the need for great sensitivity about mentioning Sasuke’s impulses, as she called them. ‘It’s cute that you’re worried about me, but you know how well I heal, I wouldn’t still be here if I didn’t. Keep your things for when you really need them, and you are _really_ going to need them when we get out of here and don’t have to worry about the dogs and I beat you like you deserve to be beaten for giving me a heart attack by…’ Naruto’s voice vanished into a high pitched yelp.

Sasuke smirked. ‘Yes, I am terrified over what such a tough guy like you will do to me.’

‘You’re doing that on purpose, aren’t you? What is it you are doing? Something horrible and unnecessary just to torment me.’ Naruto looked down curiously.

‘It’s called antiseptic. It should ideally be diluted but I’m using it neat as I don’t want to wait and risk you getting an infection. Who knows what diseases are loose in this world?’

Sasuke took his own jacket off and put it under Naruto then pushed Naruto down so he was laying on his back.

‘Open your mouth,’ Sasuke ordered.

‘You’re not going to make me drink it are you? Look I’ll stop mentioning your madness if you stop pretending to look after me when you’re really torturing me. No, actually that is not a deal. You’ve got to talk to me, bastard, I’m your boyfriend now, and that means you have to share everything with me. All the dark and all the light. And I know you’ve got more dark than anything else at the moment, but I can handle it because I love you and…’

‘Shut up. Close your eyes. Open your mouth.’

Without intending to, Naruto obeyed Sasuke’s commands. He braced his stomach for something disgusting to be put in his mouth, but what Sasuke placed on his tongue made him gasp with pure delight.

‘Chocolate! You have chocolate! You can’t waste this on me, you…’

With one finger Sasuke pushed Naruto’s jaw closed. ‘Enjoy. It should distract you from the sting of your cut.’

Naruto held the delicious piece of sweetness on his tongue for as long as possible letting it melt and swirling it around to coat as much of his mouth as he could.

He didn’t hear the dogs anymore, was barely aware of his wound even as Sasuke prodded and poked around it and then started finding all Naruto’s old cuts and bruises each time moaning that Naruto didn’t look after himself properly.

Finally, Sasuke rested his head on Naruto’s chest and began to talk in exactly the same tone he’d used when berating Naruto for his lack of self-care.

‘I know you cannot understand because it is nowhere in your nature to feel like I do, but I can try to explain, I need to explain, so that if something happens you know it’s not your fault, it’s _never_ your fault.’

Naruto hugged both his arms around Sasuke. ‘Nothing’s going to happen to you, I won’t let it.’

‘Shush. Let me say this. It’s not easy to be honest. Not because I can’t be honest with you, but because it is hard to know what honesty is now. My thoughts twist into constant contradictions. I am trying to unwind them because you’re more important than I am, and I want it to make sense to you.’

‘I am _not_ more important than you, what the hell does that even mean?’

‘Shush,’ Sasuke said with more force.

Sasuke didn’t speak for a moment and Naruto restrained himself from saying anything else though words were flowing through him desperate to escape.

‘I didn’t _plan_ to do anything; the whole thing today was about not thinking. Sometimes I just don’t want to think, I want all my thoughts to stop. I chose not to run, not because I was planning to hide you away leaving me free to throw myself in the path of the dogs, but purely for normal practical reasons. I knew you’d be fast enough, but my legs haven’t been tested for a while. I’ve been feeling my muscles strain just from keeping pace with your walking today.’

‘Why didn’t you say? It was stupid of me not to think of it, I’m just so used to you being…’

Sasuke reached up and put his hand over Naruto’s mouth. ‘I thought of this house, the glass as a weapon, the second floor with no stairs as the quickest and safest option. Though the dogs are remaining in this area far longer than I’d have hoped and I’m now worried they might have our scent. But we’ll deal with that when we need to deal with it. I just need to say this while I’m feeling clear enough to tell you. It _wasn’t_ a plan, it was an _opportunity_. It struck me and it seemed simple and easy. It’d bypass all the problems with the body being programmed to defend and save itself as the dogs would be outside my control and quickly overwhelm me.’ Sasuke took an audible breath. ‘But you are here, and I know it through my soul, that you’d not let me go, that you’d come after me.’

Naruto waited for Sasuke to say more, but the two men lay in silence as the dogs scrabbled and barked outside.

Naruto removed Sasuke’s hand that still rested over his mouth. In a soft voice which sounded younger and more vulnerable than his friend’s, Naruto said, ‘But…you were talking about having sex with me…how can you so quickly swap between wanting to be with me to wanting to be…dogmeat?’

‘Some psychologists have theorised the sex and death instincts are intrinsically linked, but the simple answer is that is how it is with me. Sometimes I can feel fine and then for no recognisable reason I don’t feel fine.’

‘How are you right now?’

There was a long pause, Sasuke’s breathing was so even and steady against Naruto’s bare chest that Naruto thought he might have somehow fallen asleep from all the emotional exhaustion. But the other man finally did answer.

‘I don’t feel like I want to live. But at least part of my brain is listening to the dogs, thinking I might have made a terrible misjudgement and got us trapped here and I am worried, scared for you, so I guess I don’t want to die either. I can say for certain that I do still want to be with you, I want to experience what it’s like to be with someone when you both care for each other as much as you and I care for each other.’

‘Love, Sasuke, love. I more than care for you, I love you.’

‘I know. But I don’t know what that exactly means yet.’

‘Well, that makes both of us, but we can work it out together, right?’ Naruto put a hand on Sasuke’s chin and tilted the other man’s head up to look at him. ‘Because this is a long-haul thing for me, it’s not the one day and night crap you promised me, this is forever.’

‘As long as we both may live? That might not be any longer than my promise of a day and a night.’ Sasuke smiled a sad smile that made Naruto want to cry.

But pain had always made him stronger. He blinked through the unshed tears.

‘It will be,’ he said with gritted determination. ‘You and me are an unbeatable team. And besides now you’ve revealed you’ve got chocolate and you put the idea of me doing interesting things with your ass into my head, there is absolutely no way, I mean, absolutely no mother flipping pig flying unicorns leaping over rainbows way, that I am letting you slip away from me.’

‘Thank you.’ Sasuke kissed Naruto in the centre of his chest. ‘It’s the chocolate that’s sealed your resolve, isn’t it?’

‘You better believe it. I was ready to throw you to the dogs myself before then. What other reason would I be interested in a bastard like you for?’

‘No reason at all.’ Sasuke’s tongue sought out one of Naruto’s nipples and began expertly teasing and flicking against it.

Naruto moaned. ‘Don’t you dare make me come now when we should be focusing on what those dogs are up to.’

Sasuke raised up on his elbows and smirked down at Naruto. ‘Is it that easy to make you come? Are your nipples that sensitive?’ He rubbed his thumb lazily against one in a way that didn’t seem special but it made Naruto’s back arch as if all his pleasure spots had been simultaneously set off. ‘Or are you just sensitive to my touch?’

Sasuke rubbed the other nipple in the same way, Naruto growled.

‘Not now. Not here.’

‘You’re refusing me again?’ Sasuke’s dark eyes were unreadable.

‘I want to rip your clothes off and pin you down and fuck you so hard that I’ll have to carry you home as you won’t be capable of walking for weeks. But yes, I am refusing you again, because I don’t know if my lust for you is coming from how much I love you for still being here with me, or from how much I hate you for even considering for a second pulling that dog thing on me.’

‘Does it matter?’ Sasuke raised an eyebrow.

‘Yes. It does.’

Sasuke rolled off Naruto and lay beside him. ‘None of it will matter if I’ve got us trapped up here and we die of thirst because we can’t get past the dog pack.’

‘If it looks like that is going to happen, I will be sure to make sure we fuck before we die of thirst.’

‘Hnnnn. Be warned I may not find you attractive when you’re dehydrated. Just because I am offering you something now, don’t assume it’ll always be available to you.’

‘I don’t assume anything with you, baby. Except that you’ve got more chocolate hidden somewhere. I’m assuming that.’

‘You are aware I’m being serious, Naruto?’ Sasuke turned his head to gaze at Naruto and Naruto did the same. They stared into each other’s eyes for a long moment.

‘Earlier when you asked if there was anywhere better than here where I’d like to be with you,’ Naruto said. ‘I think once I found a tree that was still alive and thriving. I haven’t been able to find it again and I keep wondering if I dreamed it, but I believe there’s life and hope out there, and that’s where I want to be with you.’

‘And if you don’t find it again, this imaginary tree of yours, what then?’

Naruto grinned. ‘I’m thinking that once these dogs get bored and move on, and we get home again, I might be able to last another hour or two before I give in and just bend you over wherever we happen to be and whoever might be around and just fuck you silly.’

Sasuke put his head back on Naruto’s chest and laughed a small laugh. ‘You always cheer me up with your idiocy, dobe. Where on earth have you got the idea that I’ll be bending over for you?’

‘Oh, I don’t know, maybe, yaknow, from how desperate you are to be with me.’

They continued to banter lazily back and forth, and Naruto thought that in some strange way this was happiness. But he couldn’t stop hearing the dogs barking and howling and visualising that heart-ripping moment when Sasuke had thought those animals were his fate and had stood there oblivious to the hand Naruto was holding out for him

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading this, and I'm very sorry for any mistakes there are, as I know there always are no matter how many times and how carefully I reread, errors always slip in I just hope they don't break your immersion in the story too much.  
> Extra thanks for people who read this when I first posted, it is so kind of you to stay with this work when the updates are very slow and very uncertain, I still don't have a long plan for where this is going and am writing it as extra chapters appear to me. I am (almost) certain now though that there is at least another couple of chapters to write.  
> And hello to all new readers, thank you for giving my writing a chance, I appreciate it so much as even though this is based in a post apocalyptic world around two fictional characters I didn't create, it is very personal to me. Putting this story out in a forum to be read by other people who have been touched by and love Naruto and Sasuke as much as I do makes me feel so connected and understood and a little less alone in this big old world of ours.  
> Big big hugs, be kind to yourselves and each other as I know too many people for all sorts of different reasons will have felt the lowness and despair that Sasuke does in this story x


	4. Chapter 4

‘Am I like remembering things wrong? Did dogs always stink so much? I can smell their breath from up here.’ Naruto bent through the hole and gazed down at the hounds snarling beneath them.

‘I’m surprised it bothers you with all the time you spend with your best friend, Kiba,’ Sasuke said in a cold voice.

Naruto replied without bothering to turn and look at Sasuke. ‘That’s a lie, you know it is. Kiba never smelt bad. In fact, he kinda smelt nice in the old days because he was always giving the dogs in the rescue flea baths.’

Naruto rambled on and on about Kiba never smelling like a dog _in a bad way_ and all Kiba’s mutts being beautiful loving animals which Naruto and Kiba had had so much fun with etc etc.

He didn’t correct Sasuke and say that Sasuke was his best friend.

Sasuke’s chest constricted. Not at the idiot’s obliviousness to Sasuke’s fishing. When the cold of night was quickly coming, Naruto was wounded and they were kept trapped on the second floor of a crumbling house by rabid animals, what was going on with Sasuke’s mind?

Figuring out some way to sacrifice himself to save the blonde without Naruto noticing before it was too late? No.

Working through the logistics of his supplies for rationing? No.

Digging out every memory of encounters with dogs he’d had before and sharing them with Naruto’s experiences to work out how long they might be stuck here before the dogs got bored and moved on? No.

He was staring at a man stripped to the waist and yearning for Naruto to say he liked Sasuke more than he liked anyone else.

Ideally, he’d prefer Naruto would confess that he didn’t actually like anyone else and just wanted to be with Sasuke alone, but Sasuke wasn’t yet deluded enough to believe that could ever be a reality. Naruto’s centre was kindness and love. Sasuke ended up stopping all the conversations they’d had thus far about dealing with the problems of the dogs. Naruto’s suggestions always led to giving the dogs all of the food they had on them, not with any hope of distracting them and running, but because the "poor animals looked soooo hungry".

Being with Naruto made him feel things, some of them _very_ good, but all the other emotions rolled back in too, frustration and anger being the most noticeable. He didn’t want to wreck this tentative thing between them, by shouting Naruto out for being such a feeble-hearted idiot, who would starve himself to give a pack of ranging mongrels a few morsels to chomp through.

He thought of the look on Naruto’s face when Sasuke had placed the chocolate on his tongue. Without exaggeration, Sasuke would willingly let the whole world die of hunger to see his dobe that happy again.

Naruto was undoubtedly a strong survivor, but he put other people, even complete strangers, even animals that would tear him apart, before himself. One day that would be his downfall.

It felt like his intestines had been ripped out thinking about Naruto being taken down. He rubbed a hand over his eyes and gritted his teeth. He wouldn’t cry. But it was wrenching enough to know that he could cry just contemplating it. It wasn’t idle speculation. It was reality. Naruto was the strongest left in his group. Sakara and Ino might be experts at lecturing the blonde on how to treat Sasuke like a useless child, but they were both becoming more scared and more helpless as it became clearer as weeks turned into months that there was no rescue coming, they were on their own forever. Shikamaru hadn’t been the same since Temari went. Kiba shared Naruto’s impetuousness and offered no balance to the blonde’s recklessness. All the other hanger-ons had disappeared, temporarily or permanently, it made no difference. If Gaara and his siblings were still about, Sasuke would have had some confidence. Gaara had openly been attached to Naruto above everyone else, and the redhead could always be relied on to do what needed to be done. His brother and sister protected and followed Gaara. That could have worked.

Except it hadn’t. They were gone.

Sasuke was Naruto’s best chance of survival. The thought made Sasuke’s brain feel like it was clogged up with thick black blood.

He had to get Naruto away from the losers who would drag him down and ensure the idiot was accepted safely into a group that would protect him.

Sasuke had thought all he needed before he said goodbye to this world was one time being intimate with the man he loved. Now a new truth was being scraped through his heart. He couldn’t leave until he believed Naruto had the best chance possible of making it.

He looked at the one person he was willing to endure this life for. Naruto was bending further over through the hole. A small yappy dog suddenly leapt up in the air. Sasuke’s mind went blank, his body moved on its own. He leapt forward grabbing Naruto and rolling him away from the gap in the floor.

Sasuke positioned himself astride Naruto pinning the other man’s shoulders down. ‘Stop being so careless! You could have been pulled down and mauled to death.’

‘What the hell, teme! You spend all that time fussing over a minor cut then try to break all the bones in my body!’

Sasuke immediately released his hold on Naruto and looked down at where the man had cut himself. Fortunately, the dressing was still in place and not stained with fresh blood.

‘You’re fine.’

But Naruto wasn’t one to let things go easily. ‘That dog was miles away from me, I wasn’t in any danger. What’s going on with you? You can throw yourself to the hounds, but if a tiny dog yips at me it’s the biggest disaster in the world? I’ve been looking after the both of us for age, but what, you think I’m going to tumble down because of a little yapping?’

‘Yes. You’re so dumb and clumsy that that tiny dog would have shocked you and made you lose your balance and fall. If I die it’ll be my choice, not because I’m so stupid that a ridiculous mistake will end me.’

Sasuke could only stare in surprise at Naruto’s response to his icy answer: big belly laughs of pure joy.

‘You said _if_ , not when. _If you die_. You finally ready to admit that my fine ass is way worth living for.’

The loud happy sound drowned out the hungry growls below them, but then Naruto abruptly stopped and banged his head backwards into the floor.

‘Oh, sorry, sorry. I’m getting it all wrong again, aren’t I? I’m snapping at you and then you might think that I’m laughing at you, and I’m not, I’m really not, I just felt so…’

Sasuke swooped down on the man and pressed his lips against the blonde’s. He was careful to arch his back so he put no pressure on Naruto’s wound, but it was difficult to have control of anything when Naruto’s mouth was so hot and inviting. Naruto’s tongue fought to press through Sasuke’s lips, but Sasuke kept them sealed together and pulled away.

‘Sorry. Am I getting that wrong too?’ Naruto’s cheeks were flushed in a way that made him look _almost_ irresistible.

‘I wanted to shut you up, not make out. We need to conserve our energy.’ Sasuke tried to keep his outer composure which was difficult. The kiss had been much quicker than his heart wanted, but it made him aware in a new way of how he was sitting astride Naruto.

Naruto seemed to have the same awareness, his blush deepened, his hands kept fluttering towards Sasuke’s thighs before he stopped and tried to fold them, put them behind his head, make them into fists, and failed to settle them anywhere for more than a few seconds before they were itching towards Sasuke’s body again. Most tellingly, and unignorable, was the hardening beneath Sasuke in Naruto’s groin.

No. Most tellingly was the fact that Naruto was allowing the silence to grow between them rather than risk saying anything and getting it wrong again.

Sasuke himself sat still. He wanted to grind. He wanted to be naked despite the chill of nightfall already starting to bite. He wanted to explore every inch of the man now that was something that he was allowed to do, that Naruto would enjoy him doing.

Right now, it was difficult to think of a reason that they weren’t giving into their passions.

Because whatever the blonde’s body might be doing, Naruto had refused him, had wanted to wait until they were somewhere else. And he had had those thoughts too. That he wished he could take his friend somewhere that matched his beautiful spirit.

Looking down into Naruto’s lust filled eyes, Sasuke was certain that right now if he gave any sign, Naruto would take back his request to wait and would give Sasuke everything he’d ever wanted.

Sasuke licked his lips. What would it be like for Naruto? Fucking Sasuke while dogs howled for their blood a few feet below them. The wrongness of it turned Sasuke on, that so close to certain death, they could entwine their bodies and give each other one of the few joys left in the world. But Naruto didn’t think like he did.

If….there it was again that small word that had pleased Naruto so much…if they were going to get through this then they should be practical and defer unnecessary pleasure.

If this was it for _him,_ (he’d fine tune his plan to throw himself to the dogs and somehow force Naruto to escape rather than attempt rescue), then this was his only chance to experience the one thing he wanted from this life for himself.

The silence had stretched too far for the noisy blonde. ‘Hell, I want you so much, Sasuke. I don’t even know what I want, just that I _want_. It’s like I’m all normal and making good decision, and then there’s all this desire and I have no idea why we’ve not fucked each other stupid yet. But I’m so glad you’re being all sensible and thinking about how we’re going to make it out of here without being dog food. Sorry that I’m being all annoying and…’

Sasuke gave a sharp tug on one of Naruto’s bangs.

‘Ow! What’s that for, bastard? I’m being nice.’

‘Exactly. Stop it. Stop apologising all the time. Or I will jump into the dogs just so I don’t have to listen to your whining voice anymore.’

‘Hey!’ Naruto sat up pressing his face close to Sasuke’s and gripping Sasuke’s waist. ‘Don’t you ever joke about that. Ever! And if either of us have a whining voice it’s you with all your hnns and hmmms and sarcastic arrogant looks.’

‘How can a _look_ be whining?’

‘I don’t know, but yours are, that’s your special power right there, you have looks that sound like a whining voice.’

‘Good. Say more things like that.’ Sasuke rested his hands on Naruto’s shoulders. ‘ _You_ being _you_ is the reason I’m still here. If you want to laugh, laugh. If you’re angry at me, be angry.’

Naruto shook his head. ‘I can’t do that. I think with anyone else I could be nothing but understanding, but with you…I can’t let all my emotions out because I’d probably end up killing you for wanting to kill yourself!’ He managed a smile, but it looked sad. ‘It hurts more than anything else that has happened. And you know how much crap has happened. If I think about it too long, the fact that you want to creep away from me and leave forever, that you’ve given up on yourself, me, everything…I really…I can’t handle it. I have to box it away or I think I’m going to scream and never stop. There isn’t enough screams in the world for how it makes me feel.’ He met Sasuke’s eyes. ‘Does that make any sense? Do you understand?’

‘It makes too much sense.’ Sasuke leaned his forehead in against Naruto’s. ‘Starting a romantic relationship with you is the most selfish thing I’ve ever done. And I try to regret it, but I can’t, not in my heart where it matters. I want to convince myself you’re an adult and you can walk away whenever it gets too much, but I know you’ll never leave me. I am so _so_ sorry I can’t give you the words and promises you deserve from a lover.’

Naruto gave a soft chuckle. ‘Is this really how you like things between us? Going from the verge of humping to almost crying in like record-breaking time? I am pretty sure what you need is stability and security.’

‘What I need is you. Only you.’ Sasuke swallowed after he said it. He yearned for Naruto to talk freely and not be suppressed by the limits put on him by Sakura and Ino. But he himself needed to be careful, when it was over he wanted Naruto to live knowing that he’d given Sasuke happiness in a dead world, not be burdened by a guilt that Sasuke had _needed_ him and Naruto had made mistakes and not got it right.

‘The dogs don’t look like they’re moving soon. It's too dark to do anything now.’ Sasuke forced himself to pull away from the other man and sit beside him rather than on top of him. ‘I suggest we spend some time playing your computer game, then take turns resting for the night and if they’re still here in the morning we’ll formulate a plan to get away.’

Naruto frowned at Sasuke. ‘You really are crazy. We can’t play my game, I hardly packed the controllers and console on our scavenging mission, did I? Unless you’ve got a spare one along with all your other hidden supplies. Which, by the way, we are so going to have words about Mister. Someone needs to have a lesson about sharing.’

The obvious answer was: _Yes, we definitely need to speak about sharing. Not sharing. You’re going to need to keep **everything** for yourself to survive in this world. Not waste it on other people, myself included, who’ll soon be dust._

Things were emotionally raw enough between them though, without having a real argument about Naruto leaving the people he thought were his friends. Not yet, anyway. Perhaps once they had full sex some of this tension would dissipate. He had to make it so good that Naruto would become his pliant little puppy dog. For long enough to get him to safety anyway. It should be easy, it was imprinted deep in his DNA how to sexually control people. But they were only a day into their new relationship and it was already obvious not one moment would be easy between them.

For now, it was better to keep the focus simple, on the computer game that Naruto had made up in his head and had bonded them together during the previous night.

‘Maybe we can _imagine_ the console and controller are here,’ Sasuke stroked a finger along his friend’s wrist.

‘What are you talking about? My game is far too complex to pretend!’ He folded his arms across his chest with what looked like real indignation.

Sasuke raised his eyebrows, he genuinely didn’t know how to respond to that, he knew that the rules for living in this world had made the lines between unreal and real seem rubbed out and reversed. Knowing Naruto well meant knowing that you never knew exactly how he’d react in any given situation. In broad terms he was constantly good and kind to everyone, but he was incredibly unpredictable in terms of the details such as how he’d react if Sasuke pushed the fact that Naruto’s whole game was based on pretense, the biggest lie being that there was nothing going on in the world more important than two friends playing a video game together.

Naruto dug Sasuke in the ribs with his elbow and laughed his loud laugh. ‘Your face. You normally show nothing, but you look sooo confused right now. Come on, I’ll rip you apart this time, I went easy on you last time because it was your first go and what with you being all suicidal and everything.’

Sasuke mimed taking the controller Naruto offered him. ‘That was wise of you, beating idiots at games is a well know cure for all levels of depression.’

‘Ah, if only it was.’ Naruto spoke sadly, but then made a visible effort to smile and shuffled up and leaned into Sasuke. ‘You’re going to have to snuggle me while we play though, I’m hella cold after someone made me stab myself just so he could strip my top off and ogle my hot bod.’ Naruto flexed one of his biceps. ‘Getting enough of an eyeful, perv?’

‘I’m more interested in the part of your body you’re sitting on.’ Sasuke answered in an indifferent tone, but in truth heat rushed to his groin. Somehow on a diet of three dried out husks of chickpeas a day, or whatever pathetic protein ration they allowed the man who provided most of their food, the blonde had maintained his muscles, if anything he looked stronger.

He felt a moment of insecurity. Sasuke had never been particularly vain, he just always knew he looked good and people were attracted to him. But now he wished he’d seen a mirror in the last…however long it’d been. At least the combination of boredom and his game of manipulating people had made him keep up some sort of grooming routine. And it wasn’t as if there was anyone else around (other than Naruto himself) who wasn’t looking drained and starved.

Not that Naruto would look at anyone else even if they were surrounded by the swimsuit models and athletes from former times. The blonde was loyalty personified. Sasuke realised his insecurity, wasn’t insecurity as such, but a wish that Naruto could have had him at his best, not the hollowed-out man he was now.

Normally over-confident Naruto was perhaps having his own very rare, and unnecessary, moment of body consciousness, he appeared to be trying to look over his shoulder at his rear, and was even reaching around and squeezing it, in a way Sasuke found far more erotic than he should.

‘Do you, yaknow, think I’ve got…because with everything, yaknow, it’s not like I can get down to the gym or anything…so, yaknow, if you didn’t think I had an ass you wanted to…’ Naruto began to ask in a much quieter voice than normal.

‘You’re not ready to know the things I want to do to your ass,’ Sasuke said a smile in his voice. ‘Now let’s play this game.’

‘And snuggle,’ Naruto said.

‘And snuggle as if there isn’t a horde of very patient dogs waiting to tear us apart. And when we escape them there isn’t just hunger and thirst and a long painful death to look forward to.’

Naruto chuckled. ‘Want to know something to really make you think I’m an idiot?’

‘Yes.’

‘I don’t believe in the second half of the things you said, all that bleakness, no-hope stuff, anyway so that does’t count, but, I don’t know just our skin touching, me feeling the heat of your body, smelling you, I actually forgot about the dogs, isn’t that weird? Now you’ve mentioned them, I can hear how loud they are again, and they’re the whole reason we’re trapped here and not safe at home, but for a while there, I truly, totally madly, forgot all about them. It’s like you overwhelm all my senses and there’s no room in my brain for anything but you when we’re close like this.’

‘You are a complete idiot.’

‘I’ll admit it this time.’ Naruto started to chat on in his cheery voice about the rules of his game and the level they were going to try together.

With half his brain Sasuke listened to every word his friend said. With the other half of his being, he fought not to cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you as always for continuing with this story and being patient with me not having much time to update, and also this story is difficult to write. I do really appreciate it and being able to share my writing and receiving such wonderful feedbacks keeps away my own mood slumps x


	5. Chapter 5

Sasuke had somehow fallen asleep. He knew this because the last thing he distinctly remembered was pretending to play a video game with Naruto, and now he was sitting propped up against the wall, with Naruto’s head resting in his lap. Although the rest of Naruto’s body appeared completely relaxed and in deep sleep, the blonde had a tight grip with both his hands wrapped around one of Sasuke’s, pulling it close against his chest so Sasuke could feel the pulse of his boyfriend’s heart.

For several moments all Sasuke did was breathe. He refused to acknowledge that there was anything in this world apart from Naruto. He concentrated on all the sensations that mattered; the weight of Naruto on the top of his thighs, the rough callouses he could feel on all the fingers of Naruto’s hands, the warm masculine scent of the other man’s body, and that important rise and fall of his chest as he breathed heavily through his mouth.

Sasuke had seen too many people become transformed into motionless bodies. He didn’t want to see any more. Just thinking about Naruto dying made him want to crash his head through the wall. He’d easily choose never thinking anything again over getting a mental glimpse of a world without his friend in it.

Love wasn’t supposed to be this painful, was it? It was supposed to be fluffy teddies, oversized cards and sickly-sweet chocolates. He could still recall shop aisles filled with these items around Valentine’s Day.

Then other memories struck Sasuke, of the awful cliché-soaked films with generic men and women falling in love, films that Naruto adored as much as he adored his cheap action flicks. Although the blonde openly sought out the latter, but would pretend that he’d lost the controller and couldn’t change the channel when Sasuke found him weeping his eyes out in front of the cardboard acting and crayoned in plots of yet another afternoon tv special romantic movie.

With a sigh Sasuke stroked his free hand through Naruto’s hair and whispered, ‘Sorry. Sorry for all the times I called you stupid. I secretly liked that you liked trashy films, that you could feel so much, embrace everything in life when I…couldn’t. I wish I’d known to appreciate you more in that time, instead of picking meaningless fights because it was the emotionally easiest way to get a reaction out of you.’

He listened to his own voice. The pointless apology to a sleeping man. And other sounds and sensations started to creep in. The hardness of the floor beneath him, the creak of the board when he slightly adjusted his position. The low growling of the dogs beneath them. And something new and unexpected, voices coming from outside.

Sasuke glanced reluctantly down at Naruto on his lap, he was loathed to move and end this moment of peace. But in truth, the moment was already over, if it had even ever existed outside Sasuke’s wistfulness.

When he shuffled across to the cracked window, Naruto did not wake, but somehow curled around and moved with Sasuke, retaining his tight grip on Sasuke’s hand. Sasuke paused to lightly tap Naruto’s forehead, an affectionate gesture that Itachi used to do to him, so long ago now but something he’d never forgot. Then he switched to efficient alertness. Gazing out he immediately discovered the source of the voices. A group of six that were further off than they sounded, but were stomping down the middle of the road, with bright flashlights shouting out, ‘Is anyone here?’ and even more inanely, ‘We’re just searching for our friends, we won’t hurt you.’ As if they could hurt anyone when they were making their presence so loudly known. Naruto injured and Sasuke half-starved could sneak up on them and take all six out without breaking a sweat. Although, in truth it’d be Sasuke alone, Naruto would never rob anyone, it’d be the opposite, him giving complete strangers his own scant provisions because they told him some pathetic story of a sad childhood.

As a puzzle to pass the time as much as anything, Sasuke appraised the movements of the individuals in the group, the weight of the bags they had on their backs, and the way they interacted. There was the possibility that they were cover, a distraction to lure out anyone into the open for hidden fighters to descend on. In a way, Sasuke hoped that was true, that they were not as useless as they appeared, limping and stumbling along in an unorganised huddle. They had after all survived this long, there had to be some skills and tricks amongst them. But it seemed unlikely that anyone would be so cautious as to stake out this broken, thoroughly looted, row of houses before passing through. It was more probable that the names they were now yelling out had been the ones that protected them, much as Naruto protected his group. Then one day,  this day,  their protectors hadn’t returned and these people had reached high enough desperation to venture out on their own in this ramshackle attempt at a search party.

Sasuke continued to watch them, working out exactly how he’d take them all down. _If_ he cared enough about his own continued existence to endanger others’ lives. _If_ he didn’t have a lover who would hate the idea of Sasuke hurting anyone. _If_ he wasn’t penned in by starving mongrels and trapped in the upper storey of a derelict house.

He tilted his head to the side and focused on the animals below, if he had heard these people approach, then the hungry dogs must have too. They seemed eerily quiet. His impression of dogs, confirmed by what he’d seen of the packs since the world collapsed, was that they rushed in and took their prey down using the force of their numbers. But maybe they’d adapted, learnt that in certain situations it paid to be stealthy and patient like cats.

Naruto murmured in his sleep, snuggling his head against Sasuke’s groin.

Sasuke smiled wryly as something in his body reacted automatically with pleasure and anticipation at Naruto’s movement. He was so uncertain of his emotions that he didn’t know whether the fact he could feel sexual desire at a time like this, gave him a small light of happiness, or sunk him deeper into the darkness of his mind.

If he was awake, Naruto wouldn’t be thinking sensual thoughts, he’d be yelling louder than any single human should be capable of, screaming through the window for these strangers to run out of here before the hounds came for them.

But the too generous blonde was not awake. Sasuke ran his fingers over the outline of Naruto’s ear. Was it irony that Sasuke would do a thing Naruto would despise to save him? Or did some other word describe these situations where all choices meant the end for someone?

On his own, there was a chance that Sasuke would warn the newcomers. It’d be a balance between his heavy inertia and his disinterest in everything and everyone, against the fact that he didn’t care whether he faded away so it was logical to let those who wanted to struggle through more pain have the opportunity to do so. It wasn’t much, but it was a chance. But with Naruto here, he was hoping that the dogs’ silence was a sign of stalking a new and readily available prey, not that they were all dozing after having used up their energy growling and jumping up at Naruto and him. He hoped that all the animals would rush on to these people, that the group would have just enough fight in them to keep the pack occupied for long enough to enable his and Naruto’s escape.

Sasuke moved his head’s friend onto the floor, now Naruto began to stir awake, but slowly, his body twisting and twitching, reaching sleepily out to find Sasuke’s warmth again. It gave Sasuke more than enough time to gather everything they had together and to return to Naruto, wrapping his arms around him. He needed Naruto ready to go and go fast, but not so alert that he started asking questions, or noticed things himself. Behind his grins and big blue eyes and loud-mouthed manners, many people forgot what amazing instincts Naruto possessed, how quickly his brain could work in situations that others froze and fell in.

Timing was everything. A second either way and it wouldn’t work. But Sasuke himself also had amazing instincts. He listened. He waited. He stroked Naruto, keeping him in a dozy peace. Then he knew, something changed in the air. The voices were close, outside. They knew too. Something cracked as they called out their lost names. The dogs were quiet.

He shook Naruto and hissed. ‘We need to go. Now. The dogs are moving.’

Naruto responded to the tone, rather than the words, his eyes wide, his muscles tense. He let Sasuke pull him towards the hole. And Sasuke allowed himself a moment of pride in his own abilities, that he had foreseen it all so perfectly, the snarl of the dogs, their bloodlust as they raced towards their new targets, louder than the cries of the scared people, which only Sasuke was able to hear, as Naruto was alert only to Sasuke, trusting his friend’s plan without knowing what it was.

Sasuke swiftly lowered himself down first, turning immediately and waiting for Naruto, catching the blonde as he followed him, knowing it was a slight indulgence rather than a necessity. Naruto knew how to jump, fall and tumble, but the thrill of holding the other man’s firm body for a second and believing that he was protecting him was almost enough to make this life worth living.

And it was not so much of an indulgence, after all Naruto had managed to stab himself, which could have been a lot worse than it was, so feeling protective of his friend was easily justified. The warm smile Naruto gave him, the open loving expression in his eyes, the sheer physical beauty, all that and so much more was enough to justify the other thing.

The dogs yelped, howled and barked with a ferocity that made Sasuke’s stomach clench with the idea that less than twenty-four hours ago he’d been willing to meet death in that frenzy. Right now, he didn’t identify at all with the person who had been so desperate to contemplate such a thing in front of Naruto. But he knew from experience such feelings would return again. But they weren’t here now. And that was important. Naruto’s eyes were straying from Sasuke’s and turning with a frown in the direction of the cacophony. Sasuke took his hand and pulled him the opposite way.

The back door had been boarded up for who knows what reason, a remnant from the early days when people believed they could hide out until things returned to normal? No matter. Naruto kicked through the makeshift barrier as if it was paper. Then he was the one to grab Sasuke’s hand and they ran.

There was a moment of the briefest duration when Sasuke almost balked, wanted to tell Naruto that he was in charge, he was the one keeping Naruto safe, not the other way around, that he didn’t need to be yanked along by the blonde, he wasn’t going to do anything _stupid_. But then they were running next to each other in the near dark, and it didn’t feel like death or panic was anywhere near them. It felt like they were free, that they were young, and this is what they always did, hold each other’s hand and run as hard as they could as fast as they could to get as far away as their legs could take them.

They should have done this in the beginning, instead of hiding in the house from the dogs, Sasuke should have trusted his body and Naruto’s body to be strong and determined enough to escape a mangy pack of mutts. It didn’t feel like anything or anyone could touch them as long as they were together.

Even when Naruto finally stopped, panting, his brow dripping sweat, clasping his side, bending over and retching, Sasuke retained that sense of being untouchable. Naruto had halted atop a small hill, giving them a view of their surrounding in the growing morning light. But Sasuke kept his attention on Naruto, holding and supporting him as he coughed dryly.

Naruto grinned at his own suffering. ‘Bet you’re enjoying this? How comes you’re in better shape than me when all you’ve done recently is lie on the floor and make everyone mad with worry about you?’

‘I guess I’ve been conserving my energy.’ As Naruto regained his breath and straightened up, Sasuke considered whether to turn his simple comment into something indicating sexual potential. But he let it hang, he was uncertain about how things were between them. He was sure they both wanted each other in that way, but the how and the where and the when was confusing. They had yet to be in sync, whenever it was mentioned or offered the other one making excuses to wait. He feared he had marred the ground by admitting that experiencing Naruto was the last and only thing he wanted from this world. But the blonde was the only person he wanted to be honest to.

‘Do you know what drew the dogs off?’ Naruto stretched his quads, holding first one ankle than the other behind his perfectly formed rear. ‘I feel sorry for whatever poor creature wondered past and got their attention even if it did save us from becoming dogmeat.’

There was no guile in Naruto’s question, a little sadness, but no hint that he guessed what Sasuke would be willing to sacrifice to protect his friend. However, much he _wanted_ to be honest, there’d always be occasions when it’d be best to keep Naruto’s heart clear. The idiot would only race back, thinking he had to save the fools who if they hadn’t died today, were bound to die soon.

‘Hnnnn.’ Sasuke stared up at the sky in the process of turning from night black to morning grey. ‘Would it have been so bad to spend more time alone with nothing to occupy ourselves with apart from each other?’ He raised a suggestive eyebrow.

Intentions changed quickly in this world, using sex to distract Naruto from thinking about what the dogs may have devoured, wasn’t how Sasuke desired things. But it was what it was.

Naruto laughed and stepped in closer to put his hands on Sasuke’s waist. ‘Okay, that wouldn’t have been soooo bad, but starving to death isn’t on my current to-do list.’

‘I’d say for a normal person it’d be the thirst that would kill them, but for you it’d obviously be food, I have no idea how your system hasn’t shut down yet from lack of ramen.’

Naruto threw his head back and let out a groan of despair. ‘You had to go there, didn’t you, bastard? Hit a guy in his weakest spot. Do you know how many fricking dreams I have of ramen? not even the good stuff you used to buy me in your posh restaurants, but the cheap salty crap that you pour hot water on.’

Without discussing it they started to move off at a fast walk, both of them conscious of stories about the dog packs tracking people.

Sasuke didn’t tell Naruto that what he dreamed about was a naked yellow haired man who had a smile that it was worth dying for. That it was worth killing for. That it was maybe worth living for. Instead he teased his friend about when the power cuts had started and Naruto had eaten noodles made with cold water.

‘Oh, Sasuke, what are you doing to me, making me think of something so delicious? I tell you, I’d eat ramen from muddy pond water right now and think it was heaven.’

‘I know you would,’ Sasuke said. ‘That’s the kind of complete idiot that you are and have always been.’

The affection in his voice was too obvious. Any bantering stopped and Naruto looked sideways at him with shy eyes. At the same moment they reached their hands out and entwined their fingers together. It felt right in a way that nothing else did.

Sasuke let his mind go blank as he had done when he first woke and for a while nothing existed for him apart from the warmth of the man holding his hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been working on this story, but it is a very slow process and I have bits and pieces of different chapters and it takes a while to put them together in something that is worth posting, which I really hope this is, though it's hard to judge my own writing and especially so with this story so if you have time to leave any feedback it is the lifeblood of my writing.
> 
> Thank you for everyone who is keeping up with this one despite the very intermittent updates x


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